Happy New Year

May 2008 treat you well

Loss

Fiona decided to check the dating site she hadn’t been on for well over a year. She found her profile, checking it she felt that it needed an over haul. Ten minutes later with a newly revamped profile she did a search sending messages to about half a dozen men. Soon she was exchanging messages with 2 or 3 men. One of them, Nigel, declared a shared interest in writing. They swapped msn addresses. Several hours later they began to chat. Nigel was fed up with playing the field.

‘My friends are jealous of me because I am single, but I am jealous of them for having someone in their life.’

They talked about a variety of things including the writing that they both enjoyed so much. It soon became apparent that they both wrote adult fantasies. This led to the subject of sex. They chatted away swapping stories, both real and fantasies, both of them open minded. Fiona was amazed that she had found someone who was not only intelligent, interested in some of the same books and writing the same genre. But they seemed to be on the same wave length sexually. After a while Nigel suggested that they chat on the phone.

‘Give me five minutes to get upstairs and make myself comfortable’

Fiona told him. After all it was around 3am by then. The two of them chatted for another hour; he encouraged Fiona to play with herself. She enjoyed following his instructions. Fiona knew from experience that she would get very wet. She had prepared herself by placing a folded towel under her hips.

Place a finger inside you pumping in and out, now another, can you do three?

No, only two

Put your phone down there so that I can hear the sound of your fingers squelching about in your wetness.

Aa aaa mmm huuhh aaaaa aaa hhhuuu mmmm ooooo aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

That was great I could hear you moaning in the background. I am playing with myself too although I am usually a morning person. I can keep going for a long time. Only a few women have ever managed to make me come.

Eventually the pair said good night. As Fiona lay in her bed replaying the last few hours in her head she sent a good night text.

Amen to that Fiona. I can’t stop thinking about you!

The two of them had agreed to meet for a drink the next night. The next evening Fiona drove to the appointed pub to meet Nigel. They were only having a drink and a chat so there was no need to dress up. The days of going to meet a man dressed in low cut top with skirt, stockings and high heels were over. There would be plenty of time for that sort of thing another time if they hit it off as well in person as they had the night before. Fiona had a good feeling about this as she walked up to the bar where Nigel was waiting with her drink ready for her. She was conscious that he was nicely dressed in a smart shirt, making her feel under dressed in jeans and thick woollen sweater. But she had dressed this way purposefully so that if things were going well he would discover that under this thick sweater she had on only her black balcony bra with the red rose detail. She had meant to wear high heels to make herself look taller than her 5’0” but having been rushing around she had managed to get there in her flat shoes. A few hours of chatting and stroking each other’s hands, a couple of kisses and they were ready to leave.

Fiona was very impressed that Nigel was a true gentleman, helping her on with her coat, carrying her folder of stories she had brought with her and holding her hand as they walked. Once they were in her car Nigel kissed Fiona with a passion that Fiona could not resist. She drove to a quiet car park where the kissing became intense, his hands finding her breasts under her jumper. Releasing her pendulous bosom from the confines of black and red he takes them one at a time into his mouth sucking hungrily as her hands roam across his back and shoulders. Nigel lets his hands wander down between her legs, the jeans just have to go. Button and zip soon open her jeans are hurriedly pushed down her legs allowing his fingers to probe the wetness he could only imagine the night before as he stroked himself. It isn’t long before she is clinging to him moaning as his fingers push all the right buttons and she gushes juice all over the driver’s seat of her car. Too late she realises she should have placed one of the red cushions on the back seat, under her to protect the seat. She fumbles with the buttons of his fly but doesn’t find what she is looking for, not to worry as it is now time to get him back to the station to catch his train home.

Don’t forget to do your buttons up before you get on the train.

They kiss goodnight and a short time later are exchanging more text.

Oh God I’m so turned on by you. The thought of you is just great!

The next day whilst at work they continue to text each other at intervals through the day. He apologises for a late text suggesting that they have sex. She thinks he is very sexy, she enjoys the flirting and joking. He has a great sense of humour as well as everything else. As the next few days pass he is eager for them to spend a night together so that they can have some quality time together. She agonises about this. She wants to see him again and she wants so much to make love to him. They have even talked about maybe swinging together although she says they should take it one step at a time. She doesn’t want to get in too deep too fast. But even though she is hungry for him she doesn’t want to just jump into bed without making sure that this is not some flash in the pan affair. She has had enough of casual sex and now only wants sex within a relationship. Finally she agrees that she would like to spend a night with him.

On the Saturday morning they are chatting online, he checks that she would like to go to a hotel with him that night. He tells her that he has to stop chatting as his battery is running low but, he will text her later. But, when she has not heard from him by tea time, she sends him a text.

What are the arrangements for tonight?

Hi is that Fiona? It’s Nigel. I am really tired, I am going home for something to eat then crash out for the night. I hope you don’t mind. Can I phone you again later.

Fiona is disappointed after working herself up to having a night out and spending it with this lovely man. Hours later her disappointment still heavy on her heart she writes him an email explaining how she was feeling. By Sunday she is feeling quite low not just about not seeing Nigel but other things that were causing her stress too. Late on Monday afternoon Fiona is feeling so unhappy and in need of a hug she put her pride aside and sends Nigel a text asking if they can meet even if it is only for a short time. But he replies that he has things to do on his home. She is feeling so depressed by this time. She sits in her car with her phone in her hand and just cries. She needs someone to hold her in his arms and kiss away her tears. Instead she sends off a text.

Sorry for being a pain.

You’re not a pain at all! I’d be there it’s just that I’ve important stuff to sort out. Talk soon X.

This cheers her up a little and she makes her way indoors to her family.

Over the next few days her spirits lift as things at home start to improve. The two of them are still exchanging text although not as much as the week before. There are also a few pictures. Nothing too revealing just suggestive as is Fiona’s want. Nigel offers to send some pictures to Fiona but only if she wants them. He asks Fiona for a very intimate picture which she does send to him. After all what is the harm as they have been intimate with each other and they like each other. The photograph is emailed and the pair have a session of phone sex. Fiona is very turned on by this man who also says she turns him on. This time their phone sex includes the use of her electric toothbrush and a vibrator which lost its vibrations many months ago. He says he will find the picture she sent him later.

The following morning he tells her he has read her email which she had sent the previous weekend. He tells her that he is not ready for a relationship he is just taking things one orgasm at a time. Fiona confesses that she doesn’t really know what she wants. She knows that she doesn’t want to continue as before having casual sex, she is looking for a relationship of sorts but she hasn’t worked out what form that relationship would take. After work she writes him an email to explain what she does or doesn’t want. She doesn’t say it but by the end of it she has figured that what she wants is regular sex with a regular partner but not just sex. She doesn’t want this relationship to consist of sex alone. She doesn’t want to sit at home waiting for him to read her email so she accepts an invitation to go out for a drink.

Nigel text that he is out with William for the evening. She admits she is also out. Fiona has a good time out with Ken but he is not really her type. Apart from anything else he is a lorry driver (not that she is a snob) but she has been there before and it is not a life she wants again. By the morning she has not heard anything more from Nigel so when Ken begs to see her again she agrees and they spend the afternoon ten pin bowling then go for a walk on the beach but Ken is such a wimp that after 5 minutes he is too cold. After a hot drink in a nearby café they go for a drive ending up at the top of a hill overlooking the nearby city now lit up in the night sky. Ken kisses Fiona for the first time. The first kiss melts into many more as Fiona indulges her need to be kissed and held so closely. She decides that she will go back to Ken’s flat once she has been home and fed her child. Fiona and Ken sit on the edge of his new bed as they watch a dvd. Inevitably they begin to kiss and soon clothes are heaped on the floor as their arms and legs become entwined. Soon he is asleep, Fiona dresses and makes herself another cup of tea. She watches the dvd again while she waits for Ken to wake up and take her home. Eventually she also falls asleep. In the morning they have sex again before he falls asleep again. She dresses and makes more hot drinks. She uses his computer (with his permission) while she waits for him to rouse.

The next day Fiona sends a simple text to Nigel asking if he had a good weekend. She was not prepared for the slap in the face she got in reply.

Really good thanks! I’m afraid I had sex once or twice…

Fiona was quite shaken by this unexpected news. So much for him wanting to see her but being either too tired or too busy,

In theory she had done the same thing by having sex with Ken over the weekend but she hadn’t gone out with the intention of having sex . What was Nigel hoping to achieve by telling her this. Why was he boasting about having sex with anyone else. If he was trying to upset her he managed it but she wasn’t going to let him know that.

So did I.

Excellent! Battery powered ?

No human

More excellent! One or more, male or female?

Male

Stop it , you’re making my trousers shrink.

No he didn’t say that.

Later chatting to Ken he asks to see Fiona eventually she agrees on the condition he lends her money for petrol as she needs it to get to work in the morning.

Will you see him again? Xxxx

I am with him now.

In bed now sleep tight xxx

Fiona can’t help wondering why he sent her that one knowing that she was with another man.

Ken has let Fiona use his computer while he lounges on his bed watching tv. Fully dressed Fiona sits beside the almost naked Ken idly stroking him as they watch tv (he tells her she has the most magical touch). Fiona is watching Ken closely as she muses about what the hell she is doing here with this man. She has earlier worked out that she had heard stories about this man nearly two years ago while she was dating Keith. The day after Fiona met Keith, Ken had begun to date Keith’s ex girlfriend Cathy. For a couple of months Keith and Cathy were keeping each other up to date with how their relationships were going. As time went by Fiona and Cathy got in touch and became friends then Cathy and Keith fell out and Fiona had acted as go between for them for a while. Ken falls asleep and Fiona makes her way home.

Next day Fiona asks Nigel if he thinks it is pervy to wear stockings for work. Ken thinks it is.

Yes! Report to my office immediately!

Would that be for punishment or reward? X

A reward for me as I spank you, punishment for you as you receive it.

Fiona was going away for the weekend with friends as had been arranged for some 3 months. Nigel wishes he could be there. Ladies and alcohol, who could resist?

The day after her return

Hi Fiona, hope life is treating you well, kisses from your favourite perv. Xxxx

Putting yourself up on a pedestal now are you…..I would have said kindred perv myself. X

How is the latest boyfriend? Alive?

B/f ? oh you mean the man I saw last weekend, he sounded alive when he rang me last night. It is satisfying to be in the driving seat for a change.

From what I remember your driving seat is rather damp….

More wet than damp but it dried out in a couple of days and has not been in any danger since.

Is that an offer for me to come over and spend the night? X

Did you send that last text to the wrong woman? X

No

That text seemed to be to someone you want to spend a night with which is clearly not me as you are too tired/busy to see me. X

Perhaps we could give it a go?

Now Fiona would love to give it a go but she isn’t about to jump into bed with a man who rather than making her feel that she is the one he wants to be with has made her feel like a last resort. She wants to see Nigel again she really likes him and enjoys their flirty exchanges. She has a hunch that he would be a good lover but she is not going to give herself too easily. She wants to make a point so she sends what she considers to be a light hearted text that gets her point across.

Perhaps you should try harder. I have given up being a doormat X

No reply so she tries to make her point a little clearer.

Just because I admitted that I like you doesn’t mean I don’t deserve respect. I am not your personal tart when you can’t get a shag elsewhere. X

She is hoping that he will get the idea and protest that he does respect her and that he really does want to see her. Instead she gets a response she really hadn’t expect from this man who she considers to be intelligent.

Didn’t mean to upset. I’ve deleted your number best of luck Fiona x

You did not upset me. You don’t have to delete my number I enjoy our banter. x

Fiona is proud of herself for standing up for herself but disappointed in Nigel. Does this mean that he really thinks he has upset her and she doesn’t want to see him any more so he thinks he should stop flirting or does it mean that he really doesn’t have any respect for her and has now been found out. Had he only been pretending to like her so that she would have sex with him. Now he knows that she won’t jump into bed he can’t be bothered with her anymore.

Fiona knows that she should just forget him. It is his loss that he has reacted in this way. He obviously doesn’t deserve a woman like Fiona, she is worth so much more than a man who can behave like this. But she keeps thinking about him.

Next day at work Fiona has a sudden idea that she wants to go out for dinner. She text Ken to see if he wants to have dinner with her but he’s busy. On her way home she receives a text from Tom apologising for not being in touch for ages. He invites her out for a drink. Tom is a local businessman Fiona met through her swinging days. They have a good friendship although he constantly makes it clear that he fancies the pants off her and would do anything to get her into bed with him again. She always makes it clear that she has made the decision to stay away from married men and nothing will make her change that decision. They have a nice drink and a chat. When they have to go their separate ways Tom says he will check his diary as he wants to take Fiona out for dinner next week, hopefully she will have something to celebrate by then as she will have had her job interview.

The following day Fiona was not feeling very well and went to bed early. Just as she was dozing off her phone rang. It was a private number and hung up as soon as she answered. She waited to see if it would ring again, but her other mobile rang instead with an unknown number. It rang twice but cut off before she could answer it. Very strange, it had to be someone who knows both numbers, very few people know the number of the second phone and those who do don’t all know the first number. What was even more strange was that out of the few people who do know both numbers there are two who phone her the others just text. Her friend Eric wouldn’t be phoning her at night unless it was an emergency. He only phones during the day whilst his wife is at work. That just left one person, Nigel. After a few moments of deliberation Fiona text him asking if he had tried to phone.

Who is this?

You would know who it is if you hadn’t deleted my number. Someone has been phoning me on an unknown number I wondered if it was you.

Fiona is not particularly surprised when there is no further reply.

On Friday Fiona has her job interview which has been brought forward a few days. She feels that it has gone really well and is confident that she will get the job although one more person is due to be interviewed first. When she leaves work she sends a text to some of her friends to tell them that the interview was good. As she scrolls through her contact list selecting who to send the text to she comes to Nigel’s name. Should she send him the text or not. She wavers as it is possibly not a good idea but surely he would be pleased for her on the job front. It would also serve as an olive branch, give him something he could comment on as a way to get back in contact if he was regretting being so hasty deleting her number.

Who is this?

Fiona makes it clear who it is and that she had thought he might be pleased for her.

Well done on the job, good luck. Now please delete this number. Nigel

Fiona feels like crying now all her good feelings evaporating into thin air. Obviously she had misjudged this man’s character. It is now quite clear that he had only ever had one thing on his mind as far as she was concerned. He did not it seems have any respect for her at all, she would be better off without him. She will now delete his number and all the text she has ever received from him. Just as the tears are brimming her phone rings. It is her friend Darren ringing to congratulate her and ask how she is as he has been out of the country for a while. David sends her jokes and Brian says well done. Fiona realises that she doesn’t need men like Nigel she has lots of lovely friends who think the world of her.

Granny's Tree

Katie and Harry are putting on their coats and scarves.It is the half term holidays and they are staying with granny in the country for a few days while mummy has to work.

Granny lives alone now with just Jasper the old yellow dog with his shaggy hair and Tiggs her old grey striped cat. His name is really Tiger but everyone calls him Tiggs for short. He spends most of his day on the window seat catching the sun.

Come on Katie hurry up

Harry calls to his big sister as he runs out of the backdoor.

I’m coming wait for me I just need to finish getting my wellies on.

Granny has told the children to be careful as the paddock is still muddy after the rain last week. Granny will watch the children from the kitchen while she is busy cooking their dinner and baking fresh scones for a special treat to have later. This morning they all got in a mess when Harry wanted to help with the chocolate fairy cakes.

Harry put on your pinnie if you want to help Katie stir the mix.

Granny can I lick the bowl can I can I

He had pleaded. When Katie was carefully spooning the mix into the little paper cases on the tray.

Now Katie pushes the door open and races out to join her brother, Katie loves her little brother even though he is only seven and still acts like a baby sometimes. Next week Katie will be nine then she will be even more grown up than she is now.

Harry must be hiding as Katie can’t see him anywhere. She sits down on the bench in the middle of the field.

I don’t care where you are I am just going to sit here and wait for you

She shouts.

The sun is shining but it is still cold and the leaves are falling from the trees. Katie watches them for a while. Harry comes out of hiding to kick the leaves around where they have fallen in piles under the trees at the edge of the field. Then Katie notices that the big tree on its own, granny says it’s an oak tree has still got most of its leaves.

She wanders over to the big tree. There are a few leaves on the ground some brown others still a bit yellowy but there are other things too. Granny told the children when they were little that fairies live in this tree and they use the acorn cups to drink from. But that was just a story for little kids wasn’t it.

Katie

Katie

Katie looks up into the branches thinking Harry must have climbed up there while she wasn’t looking. But he isn’t there she can see him over at the fence now talking to the old brown horse in Mr Cartwright’s field. Nelson must be getting old now, he’s even older than Katie is.

Katie

Katie

There it is again, that whisper almost as if the tree was whispering her name, but trees can’t talk.

Who are you and what do you want

Katie is trying to be braver than she feels now, she thinks of calling Harry over here or maybe she should run to him.

Katie it is me, I won’t hurt you, I have been watching you. You are a kind girl, I see you feed the birds and stroking the animals.

But who are you and why won’t you let me see you

She peers up into the branches looking for a clue.

Katie you can see me, I have been her for more than a hundred years, you have climbed into my arms I mean my branches. My little friends the fairies want you to become one of our friends.

But you have to promise not to tell anyone our secret.

Katie tries not to jump up and down with excitement

I promise I promise

Can I tell my granny though cos she told me about the faries and I thought it was a story.

Katie your granny knows our secret but as she got older she forgot about us and now she just believes we are a fairy tale that she remembers. We don’t need her to remember that we are here.

If you promise to keep our secret we can have lots of fun and adventures.


Shhhush now Harry is coming over. I will tell you more when you are alone.

Katie can’t sit still for the rest of the afternoon, she keeps going to the big window and looking out at the tree. She notices that it looks different now. If she looks carefully it seems to have a face half way up the thick trunk. He is winking at her she thinks and the wind blowing in the branches makes it look as though the tree is waving to her.

Granny can I go back out after dinner to look at the stars?

Yes but only for a few minutes and you must wrap up warm as your mum will never forgive me if you catch a cold.

Katie can’t wait to get back outside to her tree now that she knows its secret. Funny how she is thinking of it as her tree now.

Harry are you going to see the stars with your sister after dinner?

No granny I want to stay in here and keep warm its too cold out there.

Katie helps granny with the dishes after they finish eating before she rushes to the backdoor where her outdoor things are waiting. She smiles at the rustle of the leaves as she runs to her tree.

Hello tree I’m back and I’m on my own. Harry won’t get in the way this time.

Hello Katie did you have a nice dinner?

Tree?

Yes Katie what is it?

What should I call you? Do I call you tree or something else?

You can call me Chant if you like. That’s what the fairies call me. Your granny used to call me Chant and I liked that I think it suits me don’t you?

Katie thinks about it trying the name to see what it feels like, whispering it to see what it sounds like. She doesn’t know anyone called Chant, it’s a strange name to Katie.

Chant,……..Chant hmmm I don’t know maybe, CHAnt no chant, chant, yes I think I can get used to that.


Katie

Katieeeee

Come in now please your mum is on the phone for you.

Coming granny……Chant I have to go in now but I will see you tomorrow.

Bye Katie oh and Katie

Yes Chant

Goodnight

Kateeeeee

Coming!!

Katie skips back to the house throwing her coat off as she runs to the phone to talk to mummy.

Desire

homework this week has been to write about something that we try to forget about but it just keeps growing. I had no idea what i was going to do until it came to me this morning. suddenly I knew exactly what I would do.

Desire


Since first I saw your name
It is with difficulty
That I keep it contained
This desire I have inside

Since first your name appeared
I have tried so hard
To push aside
These feelings deep inside

Since first we spoke
I have tried to crush
To bury deep those memories
The growing heat inside

It is just a year
Since last I heard
You whisper in my ear
Mmmmm raspberry

It is just a year
Since last I saw
Your lovely face
As you taste raspberry

For many months
I have put you aside
To see your name
Or hear your voice

Would have brought
Such joy
But nothing
was all I heard

But now
You are back
You promise me
Questions will be answered

I am not there now
In that place
Where you left me
The silence unbroken

I am moving forward
Or so I thought
Until that night
When I saw your name

I tell myself
I cannot go there
Not now
Not ever

But who am I kidding
Feelings that were dormant
Now awoken so suddenly
Building too great

This desire I had
This desire for you
This desire to be once again
Within your arms

This need to feel
Your flesh
Beneath my fingertips
Pressed against me

This desire to
Once again taste the coffee
Upon your lips as
Once again we kiss

new

new style of writing now

this blog will now be used for the posting of my creative writing home work

all work is the property of LiR

my celebrity look alikes

Finlay Keen

The water is a cold steel grey today reflecting the overcast sky, heavy and oppressive to match his heart. Breathing deeply, calming himself down as much as he could Finlay Keen searches the middle distance. If he has timed it right the train will appear to the right and make its way rattling along the tracks, before finally disappearing on his far left. As he waited he surveyed the scene below him. Thousands upon thousands of rooftops nestled amongst the trees, just like one of those plastic scenes with his father’s toy train set. When he was a boy thirty years ago, it had still been set up in the attic at gran and grandad’s. The city looked uninviting on this dismal grey September day. The only colour, being the green of the trees with a slight tinge of red or gold here and there as the leaves begin to turn a little earlier than usual this year. The blue on the side of the college building that marked where the rail track runs along this side of the motorway.

Finlay shuffles his feet and wraps his arms around his body to keep warm, his beige cotton slacks and crisp pale blue shirt no match for the biting wind. He didn’t have his coat with him as he hadn’t wanted to arouse her suspicions as they set off for the station in his maroon Suzuki Vitara. Both of them silent, on this journey into town from his quiet village. From now it would be just him and his doting Jack Russell, Cody. Finlay longs to be on that train with her, his Lizzie, but she would’t be his Lizzie any more. She will revert to being Mrs Elizabeth Robinson, senior accountant at the firm they both work for. There were to be no more monthly visits to the Southampton branch. Liz Robinson was moving to New Zealand with her family. Was it really over two years since Finlay had been introduced to his colleague who would be travelling down from the London office for the first week of each month. Finlay had been charged with the duty of showing the prissy Mrs Robinson the city. At first he had hated this, didn’t think he would get on with her and her accountant’s head. That first night he had taken her for dinner and she had fussed over the bill. But he had to admit she had been right they were taking advantage. Gradually over that first week Finlay had noticed Mrs R begin to thaw. Then as they stood on Southampton Parkway station for her return to her home in Bedfordshire, she had squeezed his hand and kissed his cheek.

By the time Mrs R returned to Southampton a month later Finlay had found that she had been in his thoughts a lot. He had begun to spend time with her because he wanted to. He learned that she was married to David who she adored and they had two boys Marcus 9 and William 6 years old. They lived in a place called Houghton Regis not far from Dunstable from where she commuted daily to the London office and now for a week each month here at his office. Soon Finlay had dropped the Mrs R and was calling her Lizzie. At first Lizzie had giggled when he used that name when they were alone. David always called her Liz.

One night they had been out for dinner in a country pub not far from Swanmore, he had kissed her as they walked back to his car. Her response was so gentle Finlay had melted right there. Once they were belted up he had asked her if she would like a night cap at his cottage before he took her back to the hotel. Speechless for a moment Lizzie had nodded. He hadn’t taken her back to the hotel that night, he had taken her to his queen sized bed instead. The following night he had stayed with Lizzie at the hotel. From the next month Lizzie had not gone back to the hotel but stayed at Fin’s place for those glorious five nights each time she was down from the big smoke.

Finlay stamps his feet as he surveys the bleak scene, he was so far up here, that he couldn’t hear the sound of the train as it rattled along, or the vehicles as they rushed along the motorway that snaked past Port Solent with its expensive flats and boats moored up along the jetty. Past Hilsea and Cosham then along the edge of Farlington and out past the still waters of Langstone harbour until it was out of sight.

He had lain awake for ages this morning watching the soft curve of Lizzie’s breast as she breathed, still in her haven of sleep. Softly he had blow on a shiny brown curl framing her sweet face. How he had loved waking next to this lovely woman for five glorious mornings each month. He was going to miss her more than he could allow himself to admit, well he had admitted it to himself but never to his Lizzie. Cody would miss her too. But Fin was only too well aware that as much as Lizzie loved him she loved David and their boys more. Once David had met Lizzie from Dunstable in 3 ½ hours she would become Mrs Liz Robinson, never again to be his sweet Lizzie.

All these months of sitting across from her at management meetings, quietly admiring her professionalism, whilst at the same time visualising her as she had dressed that morning in her silk and lace undies now covered by her smart business suit. All those months of sweaty bodies gliding together as they made love in his huge comfortable bed or on the living room rug, once even on the dinning table amongst the debris of their meal. The showers they had taken soaping each other sliding together under the hot cascade of water. The evening walks holding hands as Cody raced ahead across the fields after some imagined friend. The meals shared making a welcome change to the lonely meals eaten when she wasn’t here.

Fin’s heart misses a beat as the train comes into view. He has done his homework found out when the train would reach Portchester so that he could drop Lizzie off at Fareham station early enough to give him time to get up here to this view point. Binoculars at the ready Fin searches the carriages for that last glimpse of his love as she travels away from him for the last time. For two years he had stood on the platform with her until that very last minute when he had to let her go as the train was about to leave. Not wanting to lose a precious second of her nearness, the waft of her perfume, the scent of her freshly shampooed hair. He would miss the smell of raspberries in his bathroom. Vanilla body spray in the bedroom. He had taken to lighting vanilla candles when she was not there. Maybe he would have to stop this practice but not yet, he would continue with the candles for a while longer. Perhaps this would not be a healthy practice but then neither was falling in love with a married woman.

He had watched her with sadness in his eyes, reflecting back at him from her own sad eyes, as she had pulled on her frothy lace high legs and matching bra. Rolling first one then the other of her sleek tan hold ups over her feet, knees then enveloping her pale thighs, before stepping into her smart chocolate brown skirt, that fell in soft folds down to her mid calf. Slowly buttoning her cream silk blouse that felt so sensuous to the touch of his fingers, before donning the soft brown jacket that made her outfit complete. He had watched her applying her make up whilst her skin was still wrapped in the softness of her pale pink fleece robe. Dark brown mascara and eye liner making her almond shaped eyes appear even more sexy than when they are naked of all that goo. The bronze of her eye shadow matching the hint of blusher on her cheeks. The whole effect would later be completed with a touch of chocolate brown lipstick. Lizzie was always so careful to ensure her makeup matched her clothes. All that was left was for her to step into her brown suede shoes with those 3 “heels that made her looks so much taller than her 5’2” of pure woman.

For the first time ever Fin had lied to her, he felt sorry for that, in a way he felt guilt for deceiving her, but this time he couldn’t bear to stand on the platform with her as she waited to be carried back to London then onwards to Dunstable and home with Him. Before he had always known that in a few weeks she would be back here. She would be his Lizzie again. But this time was different. This time he told her he had an important appointment that he couldn’t miss. He was sorry but it meant he couldn’t be there with her, he had time to drop her at the station door, he kissed her goodbye, retrieved her cases from the boot of his car then drove off with a quick wave of the hand, before she could see the tears in his eyes. It had seemed to him as he drove across town that everything was against him. The flow of traffic at each roundabout slowed him down, the traffic lights seemed to take for ever to change then he was stuck at road works as he crossed the hill to his chosen view point. But he had made it with a couple of minutes to spare. But the train must have been late as he felt he had been stood here waiting for hours not 3 minutes. The chill air was making him shiver now.

Fin watches as the train swings out of view taking Lizzie out of his life forever. With a heavy heart he turns and makes his way back to his car, sitting there for an age before he feels strong enough to reverse her out of the parking bay and make his way along the country lanes back to his empty cottage where Cody would be waiting for him.

Winding down

I have decided that my reasons for keeping this blog seperate from battle are no longer relevant so I am going to wind this one down and concentrate on Battle to find myself.

taking aim

A man who can aim where he wants

not only can fireman Sam make me squirt just where he wants me to I now know he can also aim his spunk just where he wants it too.

At the end of a couple of deligtful hours whiled away with much sucking, licking , teasing and caressing he climbed on top of me and while I held my boobs together he aimed his spunk first onto one nipple then the other then back to the first and so on until he had finished shooting his load just where he wanted it. Nothing random about these sticky puddles. yes I know I said I wasn't going to go see him as it would just be sex for the sake of sex. But within minutes of publishing that post I was getting horny. I have promised to send some horny emails to Percy. I
was thinking about this when I got horny myself and although my head had rejected the idea my body decided that I needed a dose of attention from Fireman Sam. I jumped into the shower then dressed in lacy black skirt, black bra and orange sun top, putting a pair of black knickers into my bag for later I text FS

do you still want to play?

yer

half hour?

ok

35 minutes later I was knocking on his door, he had been watching the football we stayed in front of the tv long enough to see the owen goal then we went up to his bed to play. It was lovely just to chill out, the sun shining through the open windows on this pleasant summer like evening, playing and teasing with no pressure to perform. No pressure on time,just enjoying ourselves. MMMMMMMMM I wonder if all firemen have the same talents.

sex for sex sake

He is sexy and sweet both at the same time
he calls himself my reserve fuck buddy
for over week he has been suggesting
that I go over to his place and suck his cock
we chat on msn in the morning
he suggests I go suck his cock before I go shopping
put a smile on my face while I select my groceries
I text him I wont be there
half my tooth has come away could be dangerous for him
he replies come anyway let me play with your pussy
I tell him maybe later
but later I am back home from shopping
I am tired and want to sleep
but more than sleep I want to be in the arms
not of him but of the one
the one my heart desires
the one who I am pretending to both
myself and him doesnt mean so much to me
I have promised myself I will play it cool
I wont be first to make contact
I need him to miss me
I need him to know that he wants me
I promise myself I wont make a fool of myself
its up to him now to show he cares
why should it always be me
he encourages me to see others
it would be no big deal to him
if I go to suck this cock
and have my pussy stimulated to arousal
but I know I wont go
it isnt because I dont like him
I do enjoy his sexy body
and his fun sense of humour
but if I go it will be
sex for the sake of sex
not sex because its what I want

no news

I have just been asked if I have any new news?

Do you mean sexual news? I respond

Yes

not really there was this on sunday

then today I was asked if I fancy a 3some in about 2 weeks.

I would have considered it except that the person asking was this man and I won't be going back there again.

I have had a few nice suprises on msn today. Early this morning I had a nice chat with Thomas before work. then this evening apart from chatting with both Rusty and JJ I was amazed to see another name pop up on my screen. A man I met last december. We had a drink together one night then we went for a drive and snog one lunch time. Since then we have chatted briefly once back in about feb/march time then nothing until tonight when he said he wanted to check I am ok and to keep in touch.

oh and last night I missed forest he signed online just as I was going out to rescue #1 son and had gone when I got back.
I have also been exchanging messages on a dating site with a very interesting man (Mars)who lives a little further away than I would prefer but you never know. we have been discusing Mr Rochester and other such types.

update

finally got back online in time to catch forest just as he was going offline tonight we managed to chat for awhile. I shall sleep well tonight :-D

pampered

Ok so I said I wouldn't go, he text me asking when I would arrive, I phone him back saying I'm not, my nose is streaming and I can't breathe. He persuades me that he will take care of me and make me feel better.
I set off on my journey, I've been drving for about twenty minutes when I realise that I am really driving quite slowly, I am not enthusiastic about going, I could turn around at the next junction and go home. But I don't, instead I keep driving. Finally I pull up at his place and let myself in, to be greeted warmly by his dog.
After a kiss hello he breaks open two cans of cider and we settle together on his cream leather sofa. His dog Zak decides its my turn to play games with her and she keeps presenting me with her rubber toy to throw. I am left to entertain Zak and try to tire her out while a special hot drink infused with ginger, lemon, honey, cloves and camomile is prepared for me. Zak is still very young not much more than a puppy so it isn't going to be easy to make her tired.
I am made to drink his hot remedy, while olbas oil is rubbed into my chest and back. Mmmmmmmm my nose clears immediately making kissing possible. On my return from a trip to the bathroom I am serenaded as he plays his acoustic guitar for me, Free bird, stairway to heaven and one or two others, his singing could be better but his guitar playing is good. soon it is time for bed and I slip naked under the duvet while he is in the bathroom, I feel movement beside me only to discover that zak has escaped from her bedroom, I am all giggly as she tickles my face and tries to get under the cover with me. She is promptly plucked from the bed and banished to the other bedroom.

He doesn't waste much time before he is fucking me, we have a few firsts like he has never slapped my ass before and it is the first time I have been slapped while my arse is fucked. Just like Mr Passionate he loves to fuck me from behind, this time he finger fucks my cunt as he thrusts into my ass, I feel I could faint it is so exsquisite, I tell him over and over, between moans, to take me, make me his, I want him to claim me, he bites the nape of my neck. I climax yet again just as he does, we collapse together but istead of whispering we both fall asleep quickly.
In the morning he brings me mugs of steaming tea as we sit in bed talking. We have a lazy morning just drinking and chatting as we lay naked in his bed. I can feel my nose becoming stuffed up again and my head beginning to hurt, time for me to depart and get home to my family. It was good to be pampered for once thank you Oxo

Fireman Sam and Oxo

I don't know if I can do it. Oxo has invited me to his place tonight if I turn him down that will be twice in one week. I have told him that I am getting a head cold and keep sneezing but he is not put off ........ says he has several cold remedies etc.

Fireman Sam is stuck at his place with his ironing as he is on call. He has invited me for a quickie before I go to see Oxo lol . If I turn him down that will be twice in one week. If I go to either of them they will be disappointed as I am struggling with breathing as my head cold is affecting my nose. so I am asking myself how much I want to see either of them. Yes it would be nice to see either of them and spending the night with Oxo is always good, but my heart just isnt in it I have as is sometimes said lost my mojo. Thanx Bittersweet for reminding me of that.

sexy Mr Passionate

Now that I am practicing my new found skill of putting in links I thought I would practice on a post about my own Mr Passionate. I have been writing about him on and off since november. some of it has been real like this, andthis this but some of it is fantasy like this and this but some like this is a mix of fantasy and real. then there is a picture

torture

first I am invited out for a drink which I accept, there is more on offer but I agree to a drink and a chat to catch up on the last 6 months or so.

then Oxo invites me to his place for the evening/stroke night

there is a family crisis so I have to decline both invites for tonight it is strange because for the past week or more I have not really felt inclined to have sex I don't feel the slightest bit horny.
then Thomas comes online saying he would like to see my ass on wednesday, I can't believe he means tomorrow but to my delight he does. all of a sudden I feel horny I cant wait to see him. we agree to meet after I finish work. I ask him if he is sure he can make it tomorrow.

not sure have just had a meeting cancelled for tomorrow

so you have some spare time?

yep, well nope, but.........

but?
don't tease me pleaseeeeee

you know you like it

well maybe

I want to caress your curves and kiss your cheeks

so are you going to?

only if you ask nicely

please Thomas will you please please pleaseeeeeee

of course I will, it will be both our pleasures x

he tortures me some more, teasing me with talk of meeting, when I know it probably won't happen he is going to call me tomorrow to tell me where. he wants me to wear jeans so he can see me struggle out of them

oxo comes on line again offering a bath with scented oils and candles to relax us followed by 69 as tempting as his offer is I have declined.

Picnic

its hot and sunny I can feel the sweat trickle down my back I look at him curled up on the picnic blanket with his head in my lap. the last time I was here months ago it was raining, I watched the school children in their rain macs as I chatted to my friend over our hot drinks. Today it is like a completely different place. today the snack bar is full of people eating ice creams. The car parks are full, there are large groups of people having picnics, games of cricket and other group activities. the air is filled with the sound of laughter and the smell of burgers and sausages cooking. Looking around everyone seems to be enjoying this summer day so rare this year. Once the sandwiches and fruit have been consumed washed down with cold water he grabs my hand pulling me up from my sitting position where I have been leaning against his car watching the world enjoy this lovely day. together we pack away the evidence of our picnic,lock the car and he pulls me across the grass towards the big map showing all the walks. He is much fitter than me, he has to be for his job. we look at the choice of walks I like the look of the 'short woodland walk' only 3km, he likes the look of the 'juniper walk' 7km with steep inclines. I persuade him that my flip flops won't make 7km. he agrees to a shorter but less popular walk.

I am breathing hard by the time we reach the top of the first stretch of the walk, looking out across neatly harvested fields a windmill on the crest of a hill in the distance, we sit on a bench admiring the view. We have met no one else so far on this walk. I am enjoying this lazy day with him, his arm drapped across my shoulders. I must have lost myself in my own thoughts for a minute as he takes me by suprise when his hand darts up the inside of my shorts. I turn to him and he kisses me passionately. I am melting in his arms as I always do. If ever I got stuck and needed to be rescued I can think of none better to be rescued by. My mind is jumping all over the place as he massages my inner thighs with his left hand, holding my
shoulder with his right hand, no way to escape his grip even if I wanted which I dont. I try to break away from his kiss saying we cant do this here smeone will see us. Nonsense we have not seen another soul yet.

He slides to the ground bringing me with him onto the lush grass. His fingers still inside my shorts he finds my wet pussy prising open my wet and waiting lips. His mouth devouring mine as his body pins me to the ground the smell of fresh grass fills my nose as I lose myelf in the sensations he brings to my body. His fingers now fucking me deep as I writhe to meet him, my hips raised as I push myself to him wanting him now not caring who should see us. He tears himself away from my insistent mouth as he props himself up on his elbow facing away from me now. I know why, he doesnt have to say anything I know that very soon I shall have wet feet as he makes me squirt. My red shorts have been rucked up so that my naked pussy is exposed to the air as he presses into my willing cunt making my juice fly through the air to hit my feet. I am moaning an writhing on the ground his body close to mine but not close enough as my desire builds to a crescendo of twitching muscles and trembling limbs. It hits my right foot first then my left how the fuck does he do that?

But who cares as long as he is here now doing wonderful things to me. I pull him unceremoniously back down to the ground beside me as I fumble with his shorts. I already knew he would be comando just as I am today. I release his hard cock from the confines of his navy blue shorts and demand that he FUCK ME NOW FOR GODS SAKE!! He makes me promise that I will lick him clean after he has fucked me hard. Oh yes please Sam anything you say my beautiful sexy man. He leans across me with my right leg over his hips as he enters me not gently but with a sudden thrust pushing as far into me as my shallow vagina allows. we are both grinding our hips together now lost in our own world here on the grass by the side of the footpath.I feel my juice seeping out of me as he makes me cum again. He is grunting in my ear to the rhythm of my own moans and wimpers. I look up to see his face crease up as he nears his own orgasm, he pulls out and instantly I feel the hotness of his spunk as it hits the top of my breast and trickles down into the hollow of my throat. He pushes his fingers into his spunk on my chest playing with the sticky mess before offering his
fingers to me to lick. I have just finished licking his fingers clean when we hear the sound of children laughing and shouting. he kneels up and sees the family coming our way. we straighten up and he grabs my hand pulling me along as we run along the path. I will have to finish him off later when we get back to his house where my car is waiting for my return.

my sexual journey so far

my journey so far

when I began this journey a little over a year ago my intention was merely to find one or two partners who would help me to fuck my ex boyfriend out of my head.
My intention was to meet men my age or slightly older but not much and have straight sex.They had to be completely single.

The second man I met was 8 yrs younger than me (amazing!!) but even though that was a shock to me. having sex with a man nearly a decade younger omg but I also found out that he was married. He was decent enough to tell me before we met, but by then I had already agreed to meet him and although he would understand if I changed my mind I decided to meet him and just see how we got on. It was so amazing we met up again a few weeks later and although we didnt meet again we remained friends chatting online.

over the next few months I met a fair number of men about 50/50 married /single mostly a couple of years either side of my age.

I met Foxy who is married we got on very well and spent many hours on msn or text. the first time we met was something I dont make a habit of and I am not proud of. he invited me to his office for coffee, nothing unusual in that except that his office is in his marital home. I refused the tour of the house, bad enough being in another woman's home. We had sex on his living room floor surounded by evidence of his family life. Not an experience I intend to repeat. A couple of months down the line we decided to become partners swinging together.

With foxy I experienced a MFM, a FMMF and a MFMFMF. through him but not with him I also had a FMF. I now consider myself to have dipped my toe in the world of group sex though I am by no means experienced in this world.
As far as MFM goes I have now experienced a hog roast but not yet experienced a double penetration.As far FMF goes I have been kissed by a woman and had my nipples sucked and my pussy licked briefly. I have kissed a woman and played with her nipples. I have not fingered or licked another woman's pussy.

Another of my married men introduced me to the delights of anal sex. I found this very difficult and painful at first but he taught me how to be relaxed and make it a very exsquisite experience for me.

I have had a Dom make me his horny slut giving me instructions by text and msn. making me call him so he can listen when I orgasm. he intends to introduce me to his sex slave soon so that the two of them can play with me as I am spanked and fucked by both of them.

I have been spanked by hand and paddle then caned at my own request.

I am not ticking off boxes but I still wish to experience being blindfolded and tied up though not necessarily at the same time. I have now moved on from reading stories of spanking to reading about Dom/sub relationships. this interests me but i am not sure that its something i would want. I have talked about it with a few of my male friends. I have never been to a sex party or a swinging club, both things that intrigue me but whether I will ever do them who knows.

sexual fantasies

I have a few fantasies in the pipe line but every time I try to write find that I am in the wrong mind set.

As soon as I have something completed I shall post it on here.

Fireman Sam

I have been chatting to Fireman Sam. Hes a very nice fireman and dedicated to the job. As mentioned before he has a knack of being able to aim my squirting. I am not sure if this is down to him being trained to aim his hose or just pure luck but he did it several times. No one else has ever done this or if they did then I didnt notice. He calls himself my reserve as he is aware of my feelings towards Forest he is also aware that I have Oxo. But he wants to be my reserve reserve. Does this make him a reserve fireman do you think? I am sure he and I could talk squirting and whether either or both of us like it for ages. He will talk about being a reserve. He will ask if I want to squirt for him again. He just wont be direct about asking to see me. Last time I gave him every opportunity to say directly that he would like to see me, but he leaves it in my court telling me the kettle will be on if I want to pop round to his place sometime. This time I know he is home tonight he knows I am home tonight he says would I like to squirt again I say maybe. I ask if he wants to he says maybe

So shall I go see him ..........maybe

Lady joins the harem

good morning people I am glad to say I am feeling much better this morning. I am up getting ready for work trawling through the blogs I read and came across this which I did know about but wasn't expecting it quite so soon. Ronjazz has written a story for me as part of his harem collection. To see what he has created for me take a look at http://ronjazz.blogspot.com/ sorry I have not figured out how to do links yet but I will soon.

special friday part two

part one can be found here

I am sure that I swore at him a few times, it really did hurt yet I wasn't ready to stop I knew I could take much more. Part of me wanted to stop but a bigger part of me wanted to carry on. I was amazed how much pain I could withstand just because it was something I wanted to do. I forget now if it was during the hand spanking or the paddle that my nickers were pulled down to midway down my thighs.

He digitally checked to see if I was wet. Yes I was, this was turning me on but to my dismay not as much as reading about it had done. I remember pushing back onto his fingers as he checked me. more standing in the corner I almost fell over as I tried to stand and make my way to the corner. more photos were taken. this time when I returned to the bed one of the large cushions that form the back of the sofa was placed on the bed and I was instructed to lie across this with my ass in the air. I think I receieved more strikes with the paddle before I received the cane, We agreed on 6 strikes to begin with. I don't know which he used first but it was thin and whippy, I received two strikes with this before he changed to a thicker one which made more of a thud. I remember counting 3 and 4 then came 5 my mind was struggling to count was it 5 or 6 the two numbers merged into one in my head I had lost the ability to count. I knew then that although I could physically take more my brain had given up. Just as my mind was formulating this message he said he thought I had had enough. We had both sensed it at the same time.

more standing in the corner for photos then I was laid on my back across the bed as he licked me out. I must have been very aroused as his face was very wet whe he emerged. we lay on the bed chatting for a while then it was almost time for him to go, he was very sleepy by then so I made him a coffee. when he was ready to leave we had a friendly kiss then I remembered that I hadn't repayed him. I said I didnt mind if he wanted me to give him a bj which I then did before sending him away tired but satisfied.

A little under an hour after his departure Forest arrived, the original plan had been for Forest to arrive so that my partner could hand me over, he didnt want to leave me alone but as Forest had to change his plans and arrive later my partner had to go before he arrived. Suprisingly my ass was not too paiful to sit and we embraced on the sofa for a while before moving to the bed where he kissed and licked my ass in such a loving way that every second of pain had been worth it to receive this attention.

Another walk in the woods

He saw them walking down the gravel path towards the duck ponds, she is short with wavy dark hair wearing a loose white top over a lurid pink mini skirt and flip flops that make that flipping sound as she walks. The man is much taller with short brown hair, jeans and black t-shirt. They are laughing and holding hands. They stop by the railings gazing down at the stagnant water where a fallen tree trunk is preventing the water from flowing over the stepping stones down to the next level and the next pond. They chat pointing at things they see then he takes her in his arms and kisses her. She reaches up and kisses him back with her arms around his neck. They kiss for an age before moving off along the path still chatting nineteen to the dozen. They stop again and kiss some more then they head off the main path along a smaller trail leading into the trees. He follows keeping his distance. They stop again the man bends his head down to hers kissing her bright pink lips. Their passions are rising and a trail of moisture is trickling down the inside of her leg. From his hiding place he can just see where the sun is shining on her moisture as it slowly creeps down from under the hem of her skirt. She is standing with her legs apart pulling him down to her. She clings to him as she softly moans into his chest as another trickle of moisture appears on her leg. They giggle as his hand finds the hem of her skirt and disappears. The man finds her wet panties and she giggles again. Before setting off again, arm in arm back to their cars. She has to collect her child from school. He kisses her goodbye and they go their separate ways.

The next afternoon he sees her arrive at the same place. But wait she is with a different man this one is shorter, in jeans and a blue t-shirt. Today she is wearing her black mini skirt with an orange top. She likes her bright colours, likes to be noticed. They chat as they walk. The man helps her across the stepping stones, before they continue along the path settling for a bench in the sun where they sit watching the ducks as they chat. He can’t hear what they are saying, this couple he watches but he sees them smile and turn to each other their faces just inches apart. This is where they will kiss, but they don’t, she turns away and they continue to chat. He sees her answer her phone, this isn’t it. They chat again. A few more minutes of chatting, and she picks up her phone flips it open, quickly shuts it then opens it again. This is what he has been waiting for, her signal.


He leaves his hiding place and makes his way to the path a little way from them. He walks towards them, the couple look up at the footsteps, she smiles, he is puzzled.

It’s my husband she tells him, please come with us. The three of them walk along the path, the woman between the two men holding hands with both of them He leads them both along a track leading to a gate, through the trees you can just see his hut where he keeps all his work tools. He hesitates when they reach the door, tells her to place the blind fold over this man’s eyes. The door swings open at his touch. Once inside he instructs the man to remove all his clothes. Once naked the man is lead across the room by the woman. The man can hear heavy breathing and shuffling slightly to his right, he becomes a little apprehensive.

‘Right now gentlemen I shall explain why you are here’, he addresses the row of blindfolded men each naked and with his back to him. There are six in all.

‘my woman is a hungry woman, you have all been selected by her as the best profiles on the site, each of you profess to be experts cunnilinguists. Each of you have pictures of your impressive manhood standing proud……..we have brought you here today for my woman’s amusement. You will each in turn kneel before her as she lays on the couch, you will demonstrate your cunnilinguist skills, once you have completed this to her satisfaction you will stand before her as she repays the compliment. Now you will be chosen each in turn by myself. How I will do this is random. You will know when it is your turn as you will feel the kiss of my cane upon the flesh of your arse. Some of you I know will enjoy the cane, some of you are cane virgins but everyone of you will await your turn with growing anticipation whether it be with pleasure or fear. My good lady relishes the feel of my cane so be aware that not all cracks of my cane will land upon one of you.’

I shall be videoing this and each of you will get a copy, please keep this for your own pleasure not for public viewing, you are reminded that everyone here would wish to remain anonymous. Once my good lady has given each of you felatio to completion you will each get your turn to fuck her, condoms are provided. The afternoon entertainment will end once I have fucked my good lady myself when you are all done. You will each get five minutes to fuck her so make the most of your time.’

links

help!!

I have been blogging for long enough now that I figure its about time I learnt how to do the links. I have figured out how to write a post, I have figured out how to upload pictures, I can add or remove things to and from my side bar, but I still cant do the links. I have tried and they never work. I am sure that it must be something simple I have missed. One helpful blogger did explain what to do some time ago but it was during a telephone conversation when I was not near my computer and I didnt think to write it down.....thinking I was clever enough to do it from memory of what he said.


oh and I had my first ever chat on google talk yesterday.....it took me a while to find where and how but I got there in the end thanx for the chat having my cake. But my contacts list is looking a little empty at the moment unlike my msn which has 140+ contacts and that is just one of my three msn accounts. so if you want to chat to me on google please add me :-D

the sign is there

I just found a comment from Innocent in response to my post gonna fuck forest again. He says I will as the sign is there. I know exactly what he is talking about.

Yes the sign is there and has been for a few weeks now. When I drive home from work I have to use a junction where there have been ongoing road works for sometime. A few weeks ago a six foot approx sign suddenly appeared. It is on the edge of the road works just by where I have to stop at lights before exiting the junction. It appears to be a road sign that has been propped up about 4 or 5 foot off the ground only it has been turned so that you can only see the back of it and scrawled on it in large painted letters the word..........Forest

It appears to have no purpose yet it seems to have been placed there deliberately.
I have no idea why it is there or what it means but I cannot avoid seeing it.

gonna fuck forest again

tonight a fellow blogger who I was chatting to on IM asked me

gonna fuck forest again?

i think you will....but i think maybe.......you shouldn't....and move on.........after all...its the journey towards selfhood you're after

it will depend on what he has to say when he gets back
and how long it takes him to get in contact

sure.....and nothing about what you say ?
you have a voice ?

in the meantime im not sitting around moping

sure....

oh I know but I will make my decision on what he does or doesnt do and whether i think he deserves me

hmmm.....that assumes he has the power to do this....... some people might observe that maybe........you're a bit vulnerable here...


in the end I can decide whether i want to still see him or not if i decide not there is nothing he can do but for now he will get the benefit of the doubt.

I have a time limit in my head that if theres no improvement the door closes


keep the faith if you can.....people rely on you |;)

such as?

me.....to provide a sparring partner...

ok just give me time to prep my jousting stick

special friday

the day started slowly as I finished packing my overnight bag before setting out for work. I am dressed in low cut red top and long flowing red skirt, the recptionist comments how nice I look. I grin and tell her I have a date later. we exchange text counting down the hours, I tell him I cant eat my lunch. he replies that he has no problems. He demands that I tell him what I am counting the hours for. I must tell him the reason. I tell him it is 2.5 hrs until I shall feel his hand on my arse. he says good girl.

finally it is time to leave the office, I am almost running to my car. 30 minutes later I arrive at the hotel, confidently striding through reception towards the room he has text to say he is in. My confidence a facade, my outward confidence slips as I realise im on the wrong floor!!

I find the right room and knock with as much confidence as I can muster. The door opens and he ushers me in , greeting me with a friendly kiss. I am hot and flustered. He tells me to go have a shower and change then we will begin. I change into a black mini skirt and stockings my red stilletos with steel heels red strappy top. He showed me the canes he had with him then led me to the corner where I was to put my hands on my head.

I couldn't help giggling i felt so ridiculous. next he led me over to the bed where he sat with a pillow over his lap guiding me across his lap so that my face was resting on the bed with my eyes just inches away from where he had placed the canes. I don't quite remember but I think he spanked my arse with my skirt still in place for a minute or two. before he raised my skirt tucking the hem into the waistband. He then spanked my bare arse alternating from one cheek then the other for a while then concentrating on first one then the other cheek. I was stood in the corner again as photos where taken.


I was stumbling a little as I walked across the room. Once more across his lap I recieved more slaps with his hand then he changed to the paddle. This I did glimpse very briefly, it was quite small and made with leather, I think it had prominent stitching quite close to the edge but I am not certain of this. But I am sure that the first few strikes with the paddle I could feel the stitching or maybe that was my imagination. He was making sure that every cm of my arse was spanked. he checked if I was ok and I told him that it didnt hurt too much then realised the stupidity of that remark. If I thought that his hand spanking had gradually got harder and harder so did these slaps with the paddle and some really stung.............

part two here

memories

We sit at that table in the growing darkness chatting as we look out at the view over the city, memories come flooding back. I have been back to this pub many times since but never sat here again since that night a year ago next week. We chat, we smile we have our one drink before climbing back into my car. I try to remember the way to that other place we used to go. As I drive he has his mouth on my naked shoulder and his hand inside my skirt. I have fired off no text to him telling him I have no underwear on as I did to you that first night. As we travel each with our own thoughts not many words are exchanged other than for him to say it’s a long way. My reply that it’s only that the country lanes are twisty and slower to travel than the motorway we could see a few minutes before. Finally we reach our destination, rabbits scatter in the beam of light as the headlights sweep across the deserted car park. It is an earlier hour than when we used this car park before. We climb into the back of my small silver car.

I am on my knees on the back seat as I bend over him to take his hard cock into my mouth, like you he goes commando. Funny of the men I have met since you left I can think of none who go commando. He is enjoying my attentions then motions for me to move so that he can slide his head and shoulders along the seat. He positions himself so that his face is under my wet cunt which he has been working with his fingers. He licks and sucks as I return my attention to his cock. He shoots his load much sooner than I had expected, I swallow every drop. We both readjust our clothing as he steps outside for a cigarette, just as you always did. He gets a message from his friend wondering why he isn’t at the pub yet. As I drive he says he had not expected that, it seems that although I had told him earlier, before we met that I do squirt, he hadn’t expected it to be so. I text my friend to tell him, that I am with my Dark Master. After all these months I never expected that I would eventually meet him. Oh I nearly forgot to say that while I was giving him head he was spanking my ass, but to me his spanking seemed to be very light and hardly worth doing, I did consider asking him to slap me harder, but decided to leave that for now. He has plans for me. He has his sex slave coming over from Canada next month. Between them they intend to make my fantasy ‘Her surprise’ come true.

I have been thinking about you a lot recently, possibly because it is a year now since we first exchanged messages on the night I returned from my holiday. I miss our crazy chats, I miss deciding to meet in an hour at our favourite burger bar for a cuppa and chat interspersed with snogging as we look out at the view before heading off to indulge in hectic sex. I miss your text as I go about my day, as you tell me such mundane things as how long you had to wait for new tyres to be fitted to your car. I miss the text we exchanged when you were staying with your mum when she took ill, or when you were away on business with no women to entertain you. I miss the sight of your naked form as you gaze out the hotel window to watch a deer trot through the car park while you have a smoke in the early hours. I miss the taste of your kisses, a mixture of coffee and tobacco. Funny, how I liked that taste on your lips even though I don’t smoke or drink coffee.

There are other men in my life now, I have done many things since last we spoke, I am sure you would approve. You did tell me that you were sure I would enjoy having two men giving me attention. I sometimes wonder where you are, if you are safe. If, anything happened to you I would never know, that thought saddens me. I wonder about when you return if you will contact me then or am I in the past for you now. Just a memory, nothing more. We may not have had long before your sudden departure back to the country that was home to you for so many years. But those five weeks were heavenly.

Here

I lay here on my bed
the covers kicked aside
the air is humid and uncomfortable
sleep wont come even though I am weary
my hand wanders over my chest
pulling at my nipple as
my mind wanders through the
memories of our words
I adore you my sweet
I adore the words you use
as you tell me I am your angel
as you describe how you lust
what you wish for us
I remember your desire
for me to go about my business
with my vibrator inside me
as you imagine it to be
you very own fingers
that caress and nudge
my g spot as I move around

my fingers trail away from my
breast moving away and
down my body
touching and exploring
the flesh you crave so much
to again make yours
the heat coming now from within
driving my mind upwards
as I imagine you here
your lips on mine
your fingers caressing my
love button
driving them deeper and deeper
as I drive my vibrator
in and out in and out
sliding more easily
now I am wet for my knight
but I wont call you that
even in my mind
for me now my knight has gone
instead I have you the man
not the figment of our imagination
I am filled with the image of your
gentle eyes as they fill with lust
my ears ring with your soft voice
words of debaucherie
before you call me
your perfect lover

ok ok

Ok ok so I have promised myself that I will stay true and only see Forest, but maybe I will also see Oxo when Forest is being elusive.

But then there is Mr Passionate who I hadn't seen for over 5 months does that count that we had a couple of hot and horny hours of passion last week. It was after all an opportunity we couldn't pass up.

I have been chatting at great length to my knight for the past few days after no contact between us for 3 months. we talk of meeting again, he talks of our illicit affair and that I must be careful not to mark him with my nails. we no longer talk of our fantasy but in real life terms.

ok so now that is Forest, Oxo, Mr Passionate and my knight thats four lovers for me. I was feeling off kilter yesterday after my knight told me he loves me. I believe he meant it at that moment but not in the greater scheme of things. I needed a distraction so took myself off for walk by the sea something I dont do often enough considering that I live a mere 3 miles from the sea. I saw many men wielding fishing rods, I had no idea our local beach was so popular for beach fishing. there were many couples strolling hand in hand which makes me sad that I have no one to go for an evening stroll with.

I text a new man (Sam) who lives not far from where I was, he invited me round for a cuppa. Sam is well aware of my feelings and refers to forest as 'your man'. He asks if he can be on my reserve list. He says he knows the score, he will look but not touch. I follow his directions and within minutes am sitting on his sofa drinking tea. Sam is lovely, great to chat to. He tells me I am exactly as he expected, open, honest, chatty, giggly, sexy. after much teasing and giggling he kisses me. soon he is fondling my breasts( I had been there 1.5hrs before the first kiss). I now know that when I am told I am a squirter I really do squirt or at least when in the hands of a handsome fireman I do.

Mollie

Maureen Ruby Collier (better known as Mollie to her friends) was sat on the bar stool waiting. She knew it wouldn't be long now. Mollie had been staying with her uncle Jack and his wife Kath for the summer before she returns to uni in the autumn. Her parents had suggested she stay with Uncle Jack as a summer job. She was working behind the bar tonight, she liked thursdays, it is always busy. Thursday is quiz night, a popular weekly event in The Cygnet. The Cygnet is one of the few proper pubs left in the city, being a Free House not part of one of those commercial chains that are taking over most of the pubs. Uncle Jack still has a couple of fruit machines, a dart board and a pool table in the far corner.

The quiz doesn't start until 9pm but Mollie knew the crowd of friends who came every week, mostly single men in this group would be in between 7pm and 7.30pm. sometimes they came early and had their dinner before the evening got into full swing, other times they just played pool and the fruit machines before the main event of the night. there are usually 5 or 6 of them in the group. Tonight Mollie had made up her mind, she only had three weeks left with Jack and Kath.

Mollie was popular with the punters, they enjoyed her humour but really they were more interested in her firm but ample bust with her pert nipples that stood out like small bullets. Mollie feels a rush of adrenaline as the group walk in but there are only four of them. she calmly serves them while searching for him to come through the door. She wants to ask them where he is but she doesnt know his name. besides she is overcome with shyness not wanting his friends to know she fancies him. 8.30pm there is still no sign of him, it will be her break soon, its the quietest time for the bar when the quiz is going. maybe she will just go up to her room this evening. But just at that moment he walks in with another man she has not seen before, he is shorter and darker than him. Kath serves them at the other end of the bar, before they take
their places at the usual table ready for the quiz.

this group often come in the top couple of teams, last week they won! Each member of the team has a specialist subject, one is sport another music, his is films and TV. soon the quiz starts and there is a hush as the punters scribble their answers onto the sheets of paper before them, Ray the DJ announcing each question twice just to make sure everyone understands it. Half way through there is a break while the first part of the quiz is marked. The group stand around the pool table as two of the friends begin a match. He is leaning on the table nearest the pool table. Mollie leans over the bar and hisses to him psst, psst sorry I don't know your name. He turns around to find himself staring right at her breasts. He flushes and says you can call me Bob. Mollie comes around the end of the bar to stand beside him as he flips peanuts at his friend while slurping his beer. A brackish brew, characterised by a milky head and sour finish.

well Bob I was wondering if you were free one night you might fancy a chinese takeaway with me after I finish work.

Just as Bob opens his mouth to accept he suffers one of his not so infrequent bouts of eructation. the stench is so bad that it drives Mollie away, she flicks her jet black hair over her shoulder and flounces off muttering 'what manners!!' Bob's friend Wayne has watched this and realises what has been going on. He rushes after Mollie to placate her. 'don't mind Bob he wasnt being rude that was just the after effects of all the coke he drank at work today. give him a chance you just never know do you ?'

These three men

He is very quiet but seems self assured if a little shy. he takes me in his arms and kisses me. he holds me against his chest. He strokes me gently with his soothing hands and lovely tongue. He brings many smiles to my face even if he can't see them as he is otherwise occupied. I feel safe in his arms. His body covers mine, I feel secure and cared or. I am above him I feel exposed but wanting his gaze upon my face, my chest, he caresses my heart, soul and body with his fingers and eyes.


He is full of energy even at this hour, he is vocal about his passion for me. His kisses urgent, there is much making up to do as we make out. he says fuck!! I say thats the idea! He takes me every which way, we both soak up the others presence. He makes me feel wanted and sexy. He wrings every ounce of passion from my body as he thrusts into me and my body strives to respond with as much vigour as he has.


He is my friend, he greets me with a friendly kiss. He takes control although neither of us can be completely serious, even with the pain he inflicts we laugh and giggle. He is constantly aware of my feelings and immediately senses when I am ready to stop even as the thoughts reach my own brain. We are comfortable together, so much so he falls asleep for a few seconds. His biggest concerns this afternoon are
for my well being. He is my friend indeed.

what I learnt

• I giggle too much
• During the first few slaps with a leather paddle you can feel the stitching
• I feel ridiculous standing in a corner hands on head knickers half way down my thighs
• A hand can hurt as much as a paddle or a cane
• Stilettos are not ideal footwear when being spanked
• I lose the ability to count when being spanked
• Thin canes sting, thicker ones thud
• Pvc tape comes in girly pink
• I can take what I am given without crying
• I can stand my ground without flinching when threatened with a cane across the hand
• My giggles were through amusement not through nerves
• It is not a good idea to say that it doesn’t hurt much when being held across a lap being spanked
• I don’t talk much when being spanked
• Being spanked makes me very light headed
• I look good wielding a cane
• I know when it is time to stop even though I know I could have taken more
• Being spanked makes me wet though not as much as I had thought
• I would happily do this again
• I enjoyed the TLC that came later
• Would I want to get involved in the spanking scene not really
• The marks very soon become bruises

He is back !!!

this morning a friend text me asking if the thing with my knight was still going on of course I said no as there had been no word from him since start of May.

But he was online this afternoon and we chatted he apologised for letting me down

he still wants me, he wouldnt let me go, everytime I tried to leave he called me back
mmmmmmmm
what it is to be wanted ;-D

my lover

As he steps through the door the first thing I notice is that his designer stubble has become more like bristles but I take that to be down to the fact he has just finished working a night shift and I am more used to seeing him in the late morning when he has just got up for the day. He takes me in his arms and the 5months feel more like 5 days. It doesn't take him long to have me on my back while he devours my very wet pussy. Once he has had me writhing in unadulterated pleasure he strips off his own clothes and makes hot passionate love to me. I am not going to describe what we have simply as sex as it is so much more than that. We connect on more levels than purely physical. he fucks me long and hard the way he knows I like, my legs bent back with my feet around his waist before he moves bringing my legs up with him so that my feet are pointing into the space above him as my ankles rest on his shoulders he thrusts into me in the deep missionary he so loves. Mmmm I had forgotten the intensity of this position. He rolls me onto my side entering me from behind. we chat as we rest before he has me lying on my front so he can access my ass. He comments on the marks asking if I had been having fun and got carried away. I tell him I will explain later, right now I am getting breathless as he trusts deep inside my tight arse. He is very vocal about his pleasure as he fucks me. Unlike my cunt he can thrust his whole shaft into my ass.

Again we rest and chat catching up on our news of the missing months. He tells me he has been offered a job in another part of the country, the money is good but he won't be taking it. what a relief, how could I lose him so soon after finally getting him here now. We both know it is highly unlikely we will see each other again until september as it is ( which I remind him is now only next month.) Oh god how I enjoy teasing him with my tongue and fingers as I take his already hard again cock into my hungry mouth. I have forgotten my lack of sleep as I tease and lick his cock from head to base taking my time licking, sucking and fondling his balls. He does so love his balls played with. as much as we are both enjoying this we don't want to waste this rock hard cock he gets me onto my side again as he enters from behind then reverting to the deep missionary again, he senses that I am tiring I am rolled onto my front again as he slides upto the hilt into my by now slippery ass. By this time daylight creeps through the gap in the curtains. He checks the time he must go before he gets caught out. But he just cant resist banging into my cunt one more time before hr drags himself away back home to his wife.

I was asked today if given the chance would I have a proper relationship with him, the answer has to be yes but as he is married it is not something I let myself think about.

laughing

I laughed so much I cried at work today.

I did something that was either very brave or very stupid

I had mentioned to the 3 people who work at the same group of desks as myself that i write. what do I write they had asked. fantasy is all I would tell them. They (the two guys wanted to see this). Today I gave the one nearest to me a disk with 3 fantasies on it, when you get here, nervously, and lastly working late.
I thought this would be a good sample of different styles of the less pornographic fantasies. On arriving at work this morning I handed the disc over expecting that this would be looked at at lunch time. No he copied to his pc then emailed to the other guy (wayne coff lookalike). they both then sat in silence as they read my work. Wayne keeps saying I have a way with words. Bob however wants to know why banana flavoured and who keeps condoms in their desk drawer whilst hoping that the work on the laptop was saved before it was closed!! Bob says he liked 'nervously' the best of the three. I have decided to write a fantasy about him (don't get me wrong this is not me fantasizing about him). I just think he is so funny and it would be hilarious to watch his face as he reads a fantasy then realizes that he is the main character. In the early afternoon out of the blue I received a text from dark master.

Hello horny sexslave.Im working in Bristol at the moment staying in digs. Shame u cant pop up and get a sound spanking lol. cant get the image of u bent over the knees of a hornywoman being spanked as I fuck your mouth x

I showed this to Bob and wayne. for the rest of the afternoon there were comments coming from my left about being face fucked. later I can't remember what started me off I began laughing the more they said the more I laughed, I couldn't speak I was laughing and crying so much. today I wish I wasn't wearing mascara!

how many ?

how many men can a girl see in a week without being greedy

I have been good for months now, ok ok maybe not as pure as driven snow but still I have only seen Forest and thats only been about once a month. so what is a girl to do when she gets lonely and there is a nice guy who adores her. Of course every few weeks she takes comfort not only in his arms but in his bed too. so thats Forest and Oxo. there is no one else or is there.

At work today two of the girls asked me if I had a nice date last night and without thinking I said which one. Oooops I had to say that I had a drink with one man then later visited another. I didnt say that I stayed over night. They asked me which is the one you really like then? Oh well thats someone else. So I made a quick retreat back to my desk before the questions got going, they were already saying so you are seeing more than one man then, my reply was 2. well I am only 'seeing' 2. the other men in my life are friends aren't they ?

I was exchanging emails with OG the otherday and she was saying she gets confused about all my men so maybe I should list them on here as I did for her.

my men = 1) Forest mmmmmmmmmmmm friend turned lover

2) Oxo fuck buddy seen him 4 times

3) Mr Passionate (was PL) married lover from last autumn not seen since feb but we both want to when we get chance ......the one married man I couldnt give up

4) Damien = my spanking master

5) JJ is poss Dom, wants to tie me up spank me and then get sexual. there is talk of me having a session with both of these two. see 'Shock' on kindred

6) N ex boyfriend now trying to get me back again (no chance)

there are no other players in my life at the moment. although there may be someone new on the horizon soon. (been chatting to one or two new guys ......

does this help...............in last 4 months have only had 5 shags (4 oxo and 1 forest)

sorry that should now be 5 oxo

In the last few days I have managed to chat to Forest online a few times, I have now (today) told him that I am to be spanked. He says I am a naughty girl and probably deserve to be spanked.

I need to get showered now and prepare myself for my date with a new man who I shall call Chip. I have been chatting online with chip on and off since last summer. We got as far as arranging to meet once months ago. I can't remember now whether it was me or him who cancelled. We have not chatted for ages. On monday he began chatting again and by the end of the chat we had agreed to ahve the date we didn't have before.

So within a week I will have seen Damien, Oxo, Forest, FF and Chip........is this being greedy?

update

I doubt whether I shall hear from chip again, although a nice enough man there was nothing there and my face now hurts after over an hour of benign smiling!! Any one who knows me knows that when I get going I can talk and talk. In the whole time I was with chip I may have spoken for a minute possible 1 1/2 at a stretch.