what a difference a new year makes

New Year 2006 saw me starting my adventures.

I had been exchanging text messages with a very sexy guy in Glasgow, SF was still living in the house. He had been out all night and not long been home when I got a text from the sexy guy (Jim). I sent a sexy reply but accidentally sent it to 'HIM' instead of JIM. next thing I know SF comes crashing into my room abusing me.

New year 2007 saw me at home longing for a married man I hardly knew (GB). 3am my phone bleeps with a message from him but I couldn't read it as my phone chose that moment to go wrong. I had 3 text messages superimposed over each other. I turned it off, but when I turned it on again the screen wouldn't work. I have spent the last year trying to find a replacement.

This year saw me at home yet again. I purposefully didn't try to phone or text anyone knowing that the network would be busy. so imagine my suprise when my phone buzzed at 1.20am not only was it a text, but one from a man who thought I should know he was pissed and needed help. This I would have been only to glad to administer to my very favourite number one man if he had been in this country. We exchanged a few more saucy text last night and again today. I text him to let him know he had been he first man to make me cum in 2008.

This year seems to be getting off to a good start in less than 24 hours two sexy men have managed to arouse me ;-)

I wonder what next New Year will be like.

muddle

I’m waiting to get into the bathroom for my shower. It’s the school holidays so my routine is going to be in a muddle for the next 2 weeks. It’s a lovely sunny day just as it was yesterday although I missed out on the sun yesterday, not getting up until lunchtime, then wasting my time alone while the boys went off to the beach I spent an hour on pc then put myself back to bed for a few hours nursing my headache.

Today I have woken headache free, such a relief! It is always a wonder to me when I wake up feeling good after so many days waking with a headache. If only they were all caused by too much to drink at least then I would know how to get rid of them….stop drinking. But it’s very rare for me to have a hangover. I have been feeling a bit down lately. A combination of things really. I am still a bit down over the GB thing (from now on I shall refer to him as Jasper). I have felt much stronger since I made the decision to finish with him, I don’t feel that empty longing that I felt before, just an emptiness in general. There are still times when I want to text him and say ………

Jasper I still want you, I didn’t mean it that I wouldn’t see you anymore.

But I have resisted the temptation. N who will now be known as Billy still won’t leave me alone although the contact from him is getting less. He has this thing about me returning his ice bucket. As it was a gift it is technically mine. But I can’t be bothered to argue and it is taking up room. Part of me wants to take it there asap to bring an end to the demands. But then I refuse to jump just because he says so. I did enough of that last year. He knew (because I told him) that he was my puppet master and I was his puppet on a string dancing to his tune. I don’t want to see him anymore but I still find it hard to break that tie. I don’t do cord cutting very well. He has been a big part of my life for 15 months even during the weeks/months when he was with The Bitch or later with the Other One. I always knew he would come back to me and he always did. But now I wish he hadn’t. They say that you should be careful what you wish for….you might get it. I wished for him and now can’t get rid of him. He keeps saying he is ready to settle down and he wants me to be with him. I tell him that I am not ready to settle down yet.

But is that true? I don’t think it is. I am at a stage now where I don’t want to keep meeting new men, certainly no more married men. I want a man I can call mine. Someone, who will treat me with respect, who will accept and deserve, the love that I have inside me, ready to give to the right man.

I have not been feeling very sexy in recent weeks, maybe that has something to do with a lack of sex recently. In months the only decent sex I have had was with Jasper (once), GP now known as Gordon (no idea why I chose that name) and with PL 2x (still working on name for him) maybe I shall stick with passionate as that is what the P stands for. I am meeting Gordon again later today so that is something to look forward to. Last time was in his office, today is going to be alfresco, next time he’s going to book a hotel room. I was woken this morning by a text from Gordon making sure I’m still ok to see him today, we have also chatted on msn for a while as I was checking my messages. I must have put on weight in the last month too as when I went to put on the skirt I had decided on for Saturday evening I couldn’t do it up with just two hands so had to abandon that idea. I know I had been feeling fat all week but hadn’t anticipated putting on that much that quick especially as I have not been eating much. I’m not sure when I last had a proper meal other than the one on Thursday night at the presidents dinner. Maybe that is why the recent headaches. I really should start eating properly again instead of snacking. I tend to cook meals for the boys but they are always just enough for them and I make do with a snack…..I know it’s not good for me but it’s cheaper. Oh and those of you who bought me a drink on Saturday thanx I really didn’t expect you too. I had enough for my own drinks but wouldn’t have been able to run to a round.

I am rambling now and have not even touched on my purpose for this post. I wanted to try to figure out what I want and why I am feeling so empty at the moment. I don’t seem to be the same bubbly person I have been for the last 8 or 9 months. I feel deflated, lost.
Maybe it is because I have had my fill of seeing lots of different men in my search for a few regular fuck buddies. I ended up with 3 fuck buddies who started off well but now we don’t find the time to get together for a whole variety of reasons. The three of them all being married doesn’t help the situation. I have reached a stage now where I want more than just great sex. I don’t know if I am ready for a relationship yet or if I just want a fuck buddy who I can socialise with not just meet for sex. I want someone who is single so that we can sometimes spend the night together not just go our separate ways after a couple of hours. As I have already finished with Jasper he no longer figures in the problem. But I don’t know what to do about either Foxy(SL) or Mr Passionate. Foxy is my partner in fun so unless I give that up I shall still see him then but we have not managed to get time alone together at all this year. I really miss that. Mr Passionate I have seen twice this year and it is always but always great. A few weeks ago he said he had given up meeting women, but he said he would still see me. But as he comes here it isn’t easy while the kids are off school and he is now looking for another job so that could be another problem. I really don’t want to say goodbye to either of them but as I have not seen them much recently maybe I should.
I know I have several single admirers out there. Some I have met and others I have not yet. I know that I have made some really great friends amongst you. I just don’t know where to go from here. I’m rambling again so I am going to stop now especially as I have to get ready for my drive to meet Gordon in 2 hours time. Make the most of this sunshine

yipppeeeee

Yippeeeeee

I know it doesn't take much to cheer me up when I have been feeling so sad recently. Last night I had an email from GB. We are talking about him taking me away somewhere for a night over the period around my birthday next month. It probably wont be on my birthday as that falls during the school holiday. I have known from the start that he wouldnt be able to give much time to us. But it has been hard. I did think we would see more of each other than we have. But if we get to spend a whole night together the wait will have been worth it. :-D

I did get to spend an hour with GP in his office the other night....we didnt quite manage the sex across the desk fantasy but we did use his chair but mostly the floor next to his desk...good thing I brought a couple of pillows with me.

I am meant to be having coffee right now with RS but hes late so im posting this until I hear tat hes arrived. It will only take me 5 mins or so to get there.

In the meantime I think I shall add this weeks HNT

getting my diary straight

I have been busy :-)





Not so much having fun but planning it





I was meant to meet GP yesterday afternoon.......but he lost his phone and couldnt get there for work reasons. He tried to contact me on msn but my computer was playing up big style yesterday. he had given me his work number but like an idiot I hadnt put it on my phone. I waited an hour then went home. It was a glorious sunny day and the view was stunning.


we have been chatting all morning and I am now meeting him on tuesday evening in his office for fun and games ;-)
play out a few fantasies.

I had already arranged with SL that we are meeting another couple for funa nd games on wednesday lunchtime. not yet sure if it will be 3 or 4 of us.

over the last week I have been exchanging messages with a new guy on AFF we have just spoken on the phone for 40 minutes while I was chatting to GP on msn. we are now meeting for a lunchtime drink on monday.

so thats monday tues wed taken care of.

SL and I now have a choice of things to do on saturday...we can got to a party where there are going to be about 10 couples and a few singles or take part in a 6some. whichever we choose it will be a first for us.

I have also exchanged a few text with GB he wants to see me again very very soon :-)

I cant keep track

OMG!!!
now I have no idea what is happening I am completely lost I cant keep track even though I write most of it down.

OK so I know I am meeting HMU tonight!! he has text me about finding out if we can get bar snacks. Hes going to let me know that and keep me upto date where he is. Right thats today tuesday. Before that I have to fetch #4 son from school. collect mother from WI meeting and take her home at 4pm. Then at 6.30pm take #2 son and friend to county cricket ground for their first training session with the adults. Its right opposite HMU's hotel. So they will get a lift home with his friend's mum. I dont need to keep going up and down the motorway to the same place all evening!!

Tomorrow wednesday Im sure I have agreed to do something but cant think what or who with. I am sure someone will tell me!

Thursday I was going to see GP but that got changed to thursday 15th. he now wants to be my regular lover too. But he isnt local and it means driving for an hour to see him. any way had several text from SL can we meet FF and PP on thursday eve. I have just confirmed this with FF. so it looks like we have a date for thurs which is most unexpected as SL is never available on thursdays!! and I had got the impression from FF that PP had decided against having any more group encounters. But he has just said she has had a rethink.

Friday what the hell am I doing on friday I am sure something was happening on friday but maybe that was one of the kids not me.

saturday and sunday I know Im free cos I dont get dates at weekends as my lovers are all at home with their wives :-(

Why am I feeling so disorganised???

N has been talking to me on MSN on and off this morning. not sure how I feel about that. I dont want to have to block him but might have to in the end. I dont want to hurt him more than I have already. But I dont want to go back to what we had either.

I was greeted by a text from GB this morning which made me feel good. it was only 3 kisses but that was nice anyway. yesterday morning he text me .......hello sexbomb. so now I feel that even if we are not communicating fully at the moment he still thinking about me.

Oh yeah I just remembered Friday yay Im seeing PL on friday morning :-)

N has been telling me this morning that I must have loads of blokes falling over themselves to see me. some chance!! I dont even get to chat online to many these days as by the time I get online most nights everyone else is in bed asleep. good thing Im not working at the moment.

At last

Sometimes you just know it has to be. thats what it has been like with GB. It was never going to be easy. Right from the beginning when he first contacted me in early december. GB tried to impress me by finding out what he could about me from the internet. I had to put him straight on a few things which he took with great humour and humility. After a number of conversations we agreed to meet for coffee. We had our second misunderstanding when he said he would confirm in the morning if he could still make it, I thought he was going to let me know if he couldnt make it. he couldnt and I arrived at the agreed venue only to discover that GB wouldnt be able to get there. we re-arranged it for the next day. GB did make it but was half an hour late then had to dash off for a meeting after an hour. We still managed a snog in his car before he went though.

Since that day we both knew we wanted to see each other again, we both wanted to see much more of each other. Over the next few weeks we stayed in contact but it became imposssible to find time to meet. Before xmas GB text me that he really wanted to touch me and kiss me again soon but he didnt want it to become a new year resolution. Guess he was busy over xmas with his family and friends, new year was fast approaching when he text that if he didnt get to kiss me all over soon he was going to burst. He kept setting targets for meeting me again and we kept misssing them, he was very busy with work. We even managed to arranged a lunch date agreed time and place. I got a lift there, on his way he got called back to work. I had to walk home :-(
A couple more missed opportunities and I felt this was never going to happen. Then this week we arranged that we could get together on thursday evening. N would be here on valentines evening but he would have gone home on thursday. Thursday arrived and I had to cancel as N had decided to stay longer. This had the effect of him sending me the following message

best we leave this whole thing eh it has NOT WORKING writen all over it

this was followed by a text its just never going to happen - you/me/ any reason seems to prevent the ultimate get-together of electricity.

Yesterday he was online chatting to me after I took N back to his flat. we chatted and he told me he could see me last night, but I was due to have a meal with family friends. We agreed to meet up after I had been to the meal.

GB had booked a double room at a hotel in his city (same as where n lives). By the time I text to say I was on my way he had already checked in but not been up to our room. when we got there it was a single room, we went down to reception but it seems it was the last room they had, GB had paid for a double. The receptionist waived the fee for the room. we went back upstairs where we began to dance while we kissed. It wasn't long before he had my bra undone and my shirt off. He sat me on the bed and we continued kissing whilst divesting each other of our upper clothes. We lay back on the bed and his hand found its way inside my trousers, pushing aside the flimsy fabric of my thong. As his fingures entered my already wet pussy I almost fainted with pleasure. We had waited for so long for this moment, it was hard to believe that we were finaly together in each others arms bare skin against bare skin. I am getting wet now just remembering how it felt to finally be there in that room with GB. earlier he had made me promise that I would not stop kissing him the whole time. He is certainly the best kisser this year much better than N. He loved my breasts, holding, kissing , sucking just burying his face in them. I loved his hands and lips on my neck, face and body. The heat was turning up when I decided it was time to change the pace. sitting up and sliding down the length of his body to take his cock in my hand and gently caress him before adding my tongue and lips to the base of his cock slowly twirling and licking from base to tip, fondling his balls , he closed his eyes and lay back enjoying what I was doing. eventually GB asked me to turnaround and he lifted my leg over him so that he could position me over his face. I continued to play with his cock teasing and pulling on it with my mouth while he inserted his tongue into my already soaked pussy. the feel of his tongue darting about inside me sent me into spasms of delight and I could feel myself gushing all over his face until I could take no more. At this point I swung myself around planting my mouth hungrily upon his lapping up my juice from his face. devouring his tongue as it plunged deep inside my mouth. I have no idea how many times we changed position without breaking our hold on eachother. We soon began to fuck first in the missionary then with him taking me from behind, it wasnt long before he shot his load. I didnt mind as it was his first time with a different woman, I assured him that next time will be better but it was good even if short and sweet. His phone beeped and he told me he had to go, but he didnt rush straight off. First he lay with me cuddling and kissing. After we had both dressed again we had another dance before leaving the room.
I text him when I got home to let him know I had arrived saftely. I text him again this morning saying that I had just had the best night's sleep I'd had for months.

tonight I text him GB GB GB cant get last night with you out of my mind. Been smiling loads.

Mmm me too, can't say that I'M NOT FEELING A TAD GUILTY THO

I dont know what will happen now. will we continue to meet or is it over already...........I hope not

update

its now early hours on tuesday and I didnt hear from GB, I did see him online but didnt say anything as he had said he wanted to call me rather than write. I had already emailed him that I really want to see him but if he needs space then hes got it. My gut feeling is that he will say he really likes me and wants to see me again but is consumed with guilt so wont see me again.
He is going to be away in France for the next few days so I have text him late this evening just wishing him a safe trip, nothing personal. It is going to be hard waiting to hear from him. If he decides to call it a day I shall accept it but be sad, as we could be good together. but most of all I feel that it will have been such a waste of energy taking so long getting to this stage .

Hot date

I have had N staying with me since Valentines day, we went to the movies last night which was lovely then when we got home he fell asleep for a few hours before I woke him to go to bed. I took him back to his place today so now I can start to play again!!

I am writing this while I am waiting for GB to arrange a hotel room for this evening. I need to get myself showered and dressed as I am having dinner with my mum and some of her friends that I know. Then I shall take my mum to her house before shooting off to meet GB. He has just sent me confirmation of the booking............I cant wait we have been planning this for 2 months and it looks like finally tonight is the night. I am getting damp and fidgety just thinking about it :-)

the warning

Yesterday I got an unexpected phone call. It was late lunch time when my mobile rang, I looked at the screen to see who it was but it said private call. Quickly my mind ran over the possibilities. One of the schools, the job centre, one of the companies I take calls from. I heard my name, it was a woman with a fairly deep voice she checked that it was me on the phone.

You don’t know me but I know you

(very curious is this someone trying to stir up problems between me and my boyfriend) Perhaps it was his most recent g/f before he came back to me. But the voice continued.

It is amazing what you can find on the internet….If you sleep with my husband again I shall find you.

All I could think to say was …..who is your husband?...... but the line had gone dead.

I am wracking my brain now …who could it be. My immediate thoughts went to my two lovers they are both married. SL I hadn’t slept with for about 3 months. It could be his wife but unlikely although I had left him a message on the net last night inviting him over to my place today if he wasn’t too busy. I hadn’t heard from him since last week apart from the heart text he had sent me which I then passed on.
PL I had seen last week for the first time since before xmas. We had been exchanging text and email messages for several days. Who else was there?
I have been chatting to lots of guys but I haven’t been sleeping with them. Or at least not for sometime, certainly not this year. My guess is that this woman who ever she is thinks her husband is sleeping away and she has found my number thinking its me. I wonder if she has made the same call to anyone else. I even asked N if he had gone and got himself married without telling me. After all his last girlfriend wanted to marry him so did the one he was seeing last year when he was alternating between the two of us. I seem to be the only one who hasn’t wanted to marry him within weeks. We chat about the call and discuss who it might be not that hes much help although he knows I was seeing others while we were apart. He says that if I get any more calls to let him know.
Later I text both SL and PL I got a phone call today warning me off. It may have been your mrs.
Within minutes they have both replied. Both convinced that it wasn’t their wife.

I really am baffled now.
Several times I go through the list of men that I sent the heart text to yesterday.

GB we have met once for coffee a few months ago……possible hes married I think
GM he is definitely single and we haven’t met up since September although we chat 3 or 4 times a week
ND He says hes separated his family in another part of the country …we met once but didn’t sleep together
DS hes been chatting to me recently …sure hes single but anyway hes in another part of the country and we have never met
IS is apparently still married although they have lived in different countries for several years. We have chatted on and off for months but never met
MM we have been platonic friends for about 9 months we help each other out, giving advice on each others relationships from the male/female point of view. Hes single and we are just friends he isn’t local either
KE we met once months ago he text me from time to time, has been single for years, rarely in the country
NW divorced met once back in early September, from another part of the country, also spends lot of time out of the country
PF, local tells me hes single have chatted a few times, text from time to time never met
RR met once before xmas, is now separated, not local
FF met once with his g/f has invited me out for lunch but not made any plans.
SJ never met tells me hes single wants to meet up soon.

I’m going to try to put it out of my mind. Whoever this woman was I am single and can see who I like, if her husband has been playing away from home either with me or someone else that is a problem between them not me. He wouldn’t be coming to me if everything was fine at home. Still I am curious to know who it is.

Update: This morning GB decided to chat online, this is very rare. I tell him about the call and it came about 10/15 minutes after I had sent him an email.
After a few minutes he tells me not to worry about it as he knows where it came from but not who it was. This confuses me. But he goes on to explain that when he text his colleagues at new year he had done so in groups. Apparently some of the people got the wrong text. One of his colleagues asked him if he had meant to send the text he did, then showed him what he had sent. He had managed to send them a text conversation we had had a few days earlier. I don’t know how many people had received that text, but he thinks it was one of them who called me pretending to be his wife.