muddle

I’m waiting to get into the bathroom for my shower. It’s the school holidays so my routine is going to be in a muddle for the next 2 weeks. It’s a lovely sunny day just as it was yesterday although I missed out on the sun yesterday, not getting up until lunchtime, then wasting my time alone while the boys went off to the beach I spent an hour on pc then put myself back to bed for a few hours nursing my headache.

Today I have woken headache free, such a relief! It is always a wonder to me when I wake up feeling good after so many days waking with a headache. If only they were all caused by too much to drink at least then I would know how to get rid of them….stop drinking. But it’s very rare for me to have a hangover. I have been feeling a bit down lately. A combination of things really. I am still a bit down over the GB thing (from now on I shall refer to him as Jasper). I have felt much stronger since I made the decision to finish with him, I don’t feel that empty longing that I felt before, just an emptiness in general. There are still times when I want to text him and say ………

Jasper I still want you, I didn’t mean it that I wouldn’t see you anymore.

But I have resisted the temptation. N who will now be known as Billy still won’t leave me alone although the contact from him is getting less. He has this thing about me returning his ice bucket. As it was a gift it is technically mine. But I can’t be bothered to argue and it is taking up room. Part of me wants to take it there asap to bring an end to the demands. But then I refuse to jump just because he says so. I did enough of that last year. He knew (because I told him) that he was my puppet master and I was his puppet on a string dancing to his tune. I don’t want to see him anymore but I still find it hard to break that tie. I don’t do cord cutting very well. He has been a big part of my life for 15 months even during the weeks/months when he was with The Bitch or later with the Other One. I always knew he would come back to me and he always did. But now I wish he hadn’t. They say that you should be careful what you wish for….you might get it. I wished for him and now can’t get rid of him. He keeps saying he is ready to settle down and he wants me to be with him. I tell him that I am not ready to settle down yet.

But is that true? I don’t think it is. I am at a stage now where I don’t want to keep meeting new men, certainly no more married men. I want a man I can call mine. Someone, who will treat me with respect, who will accept and deserve, the love that I have inside me, ready to give to the right man.

I have not been feeling very sexy in recent weeks, maybe that has something to do with a lack of sex recently. In months the only decent sex I have had was with Jasper (once), GP now known as Gordon (no idea why I chose that name) and with PL 2x (still working on name for him) maybe I shall stick with passionate as that is what the P stands for. I am meeting Gordon again later today so that is something to look forward to. Last time was in his office, today is going to be alfresco, next time he’s going to book a hotel room. I was woken this morning by a text from Gordon making sure I’m still ok to see him today, we have also chatted on msn for a while as I was checking my messages. I must have put on weight in the last month too as when I went to put on the skirt I had decided on for Saturday evening I couldn’t do it up with just two hands so had to abandon that idea. I know I had been feeling fat all week but hadn’t anticipated putting on that much that quick especially as I have not been eating much. I’m not sure when I last had a proper meal other than the one on Thursday night at the presidents dinner. Maybe that is why the recent headaches. I really should start eating properly again instead of snacking. I tend to cook meals for the boys but they are always just enough for them and I make do with a snack…..I know it’s not good for me but it’s cheaper. Oh and those of you who bought me a drink on Saturday thanx I really didn’t expect you too. I had enough for my own drinks but wouldn’t have been able to run to a round.

I am rambling now and have not even touched on my purpose for this post. I wanted to try to figure out what I want and why I am feeling so empty at the moment. I don’t seem to be the same bubbly person I have been for the last 8 or 9 months. I feel deflated, lost.
Maybe it is because I have had my fill of seeing lots of different men in my search for a few regular fuck buddies. I ended up with 3 fuck buddies who started off well but now we don’t find the time to get together for a whole variety of reasons. The three of them all being married doesn’t help the situation. I have reached a stage now where I want more than just great sex. I don’t know if I am ready for a relationship yet or if I just want a fuck buddy who I can socialise with not just meet for sex. I want someone who is single so that we can sometimes spend the night together not just go our separate ways after a couple of hours. As I have already finished with Jasper he no longer figures in the problem. But I don’t know what to do about either Foxy(SL) or Mr Passionate. Foxy is my partner in fun so unless I give that up I shall still see him then but we have not managed to get time alone together at all this year. I really miss that. Mr Passionate I have seen twice this year and it is always but always great. A few weeks ago he said he had given up meeting women, but he said he would still see me. But as he comes here it isn’t easy while the kids are off school and he is now looking for another job so that could be another problem. I really don’t want to say goodbye to either of them but as I have not seen them much recently maybe I should.
I know I have several single admirers out there. Some I have met and others I have not yet. I know that I have made some really great friends amongst you. I just don’t know where to go from here. I’m rambling again so I am going to stop now especially as I have to get ready for my drive to meet Gordon in 2 hours time. Make the most of this sunshine

these boots are made sexual encounters NOT for walking

PL loves me to wear these boots when my legs are wrapped around his neck

update on my week

well I met HMU as promised on tuesday evening. Unfortunately as I have already posted on my other blog. the chemistry wasnt there but we had a lovely evening anyway chatting over dinner. He is a good friend.

thursday and the planned meeting of four minds and bodies, just didnt happen. this time it was the very person who set this meeting up who cancelled. the text I got from SL read.....

Hi hun. I'm afraid I'll have to cry off tonight. Mother nature has decided that I'm not having sex for a week. catch up soon x

now my mind was working over time.....what on earth was wrong with him we had only been chatting for ages the day before and he was in a very naughty and horny mood. nothing wrong with him then. then I twigged that was the text PP had sent to him. He asked if we could find any one else to meet up with. I chatted to one guy but his wife was working so that was no good. By then SL was working hard and didn't finish til 9pm by the time I got his email it was 8am this morning.

So onto friday and my planned meeting with PL. It suddenly occurred to me on thursday that my middlings (two middle boys) had a day off school on friday. Maybe I could coax them to be out of the house for a few hours. Sure enough #2 son was going into school to catch up on his DT project then he was going bowling with some friends and #3 son wanted me to take him to a friend's house in a nearby new town. So this morning I was taking #3 son his mate's when I realised I was supposed to take #4 to school first. we had to turn around and go back so by the time I got home it was later than I had planned. I text PL can we make it 10.30 as I am running late. But I didn't get a reply. I started thinking this is going wrong. Maybe hes left me an email that I havent read yet but there was no time to check. then I got his text he had emailed to say he would be later as he didnt get in from work til nearly 4am. relief he was going to be here by 11.10am. It has been a while ...too long since he last came to see me. But boy did we make up for lost time. No I am not going into details this time suffice to say I was a really happy bunny by the time he left and I have a soaked bed. He was also well pleased with our morning. He had also come on his motorbike so he was in his sexy leathers again mmmmmmmm.He had been gone less than 10 mins when #2 son arrived home with his mates. He rang the doorbell and when I answered the door he asked if he was allowed in for a few minutes. I just said

'of course you can you live here.'

mmmmm im a happy bunny again and PL has promised to come back sooner next time.

I cant keep track

OMG!!!
now I have no idea what is happening I am completely lost I cant keep track even though I write most of it down.

OK so I know I am meeting HMU tonight!! he has text me about finding out if we can get bar snacks. Hes going to let me know that and keep me upto date where he is. Right thats today tuesday. Before that I have to fetch #4 son from school. collect mother from WI meeting and take her home at 4pm. Then at 6.30pm take #2 son and friend to county cricket ground for their first training session with the adults. Its right opposite HMU's hotel. So they will get a lift home with his friend's mum. I dont need to keep going up and down the motorway to the same place all evening!!

Tomorrow wednesday Im sure I have agreed to do something but cant think what or who with. I am sure someone will tell me!

Thursday I was going to see GP but that got changed to thursday 15th. he now wants to be my regular lover too. But he isnt local and it means driving for an hour to see him. any way had several text from SL can we meet FF and PP on thursday eve. I have just confirmed this with FF. so it looks like we have a date for thurs which is most unexpected as SL is never available on thursdays!! and I had got the impression from FF that PP had decided against having any more group encounters. But he has just said she has had a rethink.

Friday what the hell am I doing on friday I am sure something was happening on friday but maybe that was one of the kids not me.

saturday and sunday I know Im free cos I dont get dates at weekends as my lovers are all at home with their wives :-(

Why am I feeling so disorganised???

N has been talking to me on MSN on and off this morning. not sure how I feel about that. I dont want to have to block him but might have to in the end. I dont want to hurt him more than I have already. But I dont want to go back to what we had either.

I was greeted by a text from GB this morning which made me feel good. it was only 3 kisses but that was nice anyway. yesterday morning he text me .......hello sexbomb. so now I feel that even if we are not communicating fully at the moment he still thinking about me.

Oh yeah I just remembered Friday yay Im seeing PL on friday morning :-)

N has been telling me this morning that I must have loads of blokes falling over themselves to see me. some chance!! I dont even get to chat online to many these days as by the time I get online most nights everyone else is in bed asleep. good thing Im not working at the moment.

who wants to play ?

I pay for the taxi and ring the door bell ……It seems to be ages before the door opens and I am greeted by a half dressed FF. He leads me into the sitting room where PP is waiting. He fills a large glass with white wine and passes it to me then tops up the glass in PP’s hand. They sit together on one blue leather sofa while I sit on the other making myself comfortable. We chatter about this and that by the time we have emptied the bottle of wine and begun on the southern comfort I am feeling nice and relaxed.

I get a text from SL………..Have fun hun, not so fun here X

You can always join us if you want!

FF asks if anyone wants to play we all put up our hands so he leads me up the stairs with PP following behind. The bed is not large, I find myself lying next to FF while PP kneels beside him on the other side. We have all lost most of our clothing PP still has on her black lace knickers and I have my black stockings and cream lace panties. As PP takes FF’s cock into her mouth he plays with my pussy and I can feel myself getting damper. PP reaches up to snogg FF and I take my turn to go down on him licking and sucking his erect cock. PP wants him in her mouth again so I give way for her to lick and suck her man but I don’t move away far just position myself so that FF can finger me whilst I help PP to lick him. I engineer it so that I am also kissing PP while we take turns to suck and lick this hard cock before us. I am not sure how PP feels about me kissing her but she doesn’t pull away. However FF thinks it is absolutely fantastic. Two women kissing over and around his cock. I tell PP that if I do or say anything she is not comfortable with she only has to say. My memory of exactly how and in what order everything happens is a little hazy. But there was plenty of oral between FF and PP also FF and me. After a while FF decided it was time to change things around a little. I find myself now lying next to PP while FF is between our legs. He wants to see some female on female action. We are both very shy and inexperienced but I decide to take the bull by the horns and kiss PP again, she responds slightly allowing our tongues to flick around each other, this encourages me to begin to massage her right nipple with my thumb and forefinger. Immediately her nipple becomes swollen and erect. However although her body is saying that she is aroused I sense that PP is not entirely comfortable. I pull back and ask her if she has had enough, she has.
It is now time for PP to go home, FF says that he can take us both home but he would drop PP home first then me. Alternatively as he would really like to spend some more time pleasuring me I could stay where I was whilst he took PP home then return to me, taking me home later. We all agree that the latter option would be best, this would allow them to spend some time together without me there.

Whilst I am alone I go back downstairs to the sitting room helping myself to another glass of southern comfort ( I have not drunk this since my early 20s). I am bored so decide to text PL (I do love to tease him while he’s working nights).

I am alone, drunk and dressed in just lace panties and black stockings, where are you ?

Lol, on the M40 babe, no good to you here! I thought you had a date tonight?

I do but he’s just taking his partner home before coming back to finish with me!

Bloody hell, the things I’m missing out on lol

With that I hear FF returning, he walks into the sitting room. ‘What a wonderful sight!!’ I am reclining on the sofa directly in front of him, glass in one hand and mobile phone in the other, my foot resting on the edge of the coffee table giving him a clear view of what I have to offer. FF makes us both a cup of tea which we drink cuddled together on his sofa. Once we have drained our cups we return to the bedroom. Where I now lose my panties and FF on my suggestion lays a thick towel upon the bed. FF uses his skills with both fingers and tongue to get me very aroused and very wet. FF is delighted at how wet I am. He requests that I sit on his face so that he can take full advantage of my wetness. Whilst I am gushing all over his face I lean forward and suck him off to completion. I manage not to swallow and then swivel myself around so that I can slowly bit by bit share his cum with him as we kiss. When I have given him a share and swallowed the rest myself I hungrily lap up my own juices from inside and around his mouth.
We chat for a while as we dress and he takes me home.