BRNG IT ON!!!

Ok so there have been a few, no! several posts of late about the subject of spanking. I fear I am becoming obsessed with the idea. As I said in the last post I am scared. I have never liked pain, I am a real baby when it comes to pain. So why am I inviting men to deliver pain to my ass. Why do I court punishment? Yesterday I sent a joke to several men, the reply from JJ was.

Not very funny! Anyone who sends jokes like that deserves to be spanked.

So what do I go and do? I send another joke!

While I was out last night (bored out of my skin) I began chatting by text with my Dark Master. He says that he had accepted my decision not to meet but he is happy to still chat. Then he tells me that he has a week off work so we can party. Although I had made the decision not to see him the idea of having some fun with him is a little thrilling but regretfully I tell him that I shall be working. He didn’t know that I am working again at the moment.

I have made up my mind that I will have my planned spanking with my friend. We are both up for this and he has begun making preparations. I have more or less accepted that I won’t be meeting JJ for a spanking although we often discuss what will happen when we do. I know we both want it. But there are two things which prevent this from becoming reality. Firstly as much as he wants this and he dreams of what he wants to do to me, he does have a girlfriend and his conscience gets in the way. The second is that he openly admitted to me when we met a couple of months ago that he is not good at making the first move. He needs to be pushed into action, but once pushed there is no stopping him. I do enjoy our chats about the possibilities open to us, whilst knowing that it won’t happen.

But if he ever does get the courage to make it happen it will be a bonus. He is quite local to me so we can decide at the last minute to do this. I could be at his place in 10 minutes. I get very aroused when chatting to him knowing how easy it would be to make this fantasy become reality; I also enjoy the sexual connotations that come with this fantasy of his. He has made it abundantly clear that through out my punishment he would be digitally checking for moisture that would give away my sin. For it would be a punishable sin for me to be aroused whilst being punished. I know that I would indeed be dripping as just the very thought has me wriggling in my seat wanting to bring this about. I want to be disciplined; I want to be found dripping with arousal so that I may experience yet more punishment of a varied and increasing severity.

Anyway, the more I think about what I am going to experience with my friend, (I really should give him a name to make this easier. Maybe Damien as he will have a devil of a job absolving me of my sins.) The more scared I get. The more scared I am the more I feel compelled to carry this through to its end. I have emailed another blogger for some advice, he has given me a website to look at. This I have done and have registered with a spanking site. I have read a few of the stories and later when I get some privacy I intend to spend some time looking at the picture gallery and videos as well as going into the chat rooms. I really am keen to find out from other people what they get out of spanking. I think from what I have read so far that the situation with me and Damien is unusual. Most spanking stories seem to be between people who are in a relationship or are using the spanking as part of a sexual act. Damien and I are friends and as I have said I trust him implicitly and shall accept his judgement as to which implements he will use on me and in which order. We have met so there will be no suprises there, we are both fond of each other so I know I don’t need to worry that he will go over the top. I know he will keep my best interests in mind. Now we have the intention, he has the implements all we need are a time and more especially a venue. If it were at all possible I would say lets do this now tonight but without a venue and forward planning (families) we have to wait. I have said that I will have the time to carry out our plans once the school term has finished and I don’t have to rush home from work. I can just head off to wherever and spend as much time as I need to, so that’s another 2 weeks away ;-( .

But that gives me another two weeks or more to read and see so much more, in my mental preparations. I think it amuses Damien when I talk as though I intend to enjoy this. He is very serious about it and tells me that it isn’t for my enjoyment. I know he is quite correct and how could I find enjoyment in pain which I would under normal circumstances do my level best to avoid. Pain and the Lady do not readily mix so why oh why am I so adamant that I desire this pain, I crave the humiliation that will go hand in hand with my pain. Perhaps this is my subconscious way of dealing with my sluttish behaviour of the last year. My atonement for what I feel to be the behaviour of one who does not merit the position I hold in this life, my battle to reconcile the slut in me with the good middle class mother I strive to be.

What ever the reason I crave this pain and humiliation………….

BRING IT ON!!!!

spoilt

spoilt for choice

If you have been reading my blogs for a while you will be aware that I have a desire to be spanked. This is a desire that has crept up on me over a period of six months or so. When I first started reading accounts of women being spanked it held no interest to me. It was not something I had any wish to try.

But one morning whilst I was enjoying a sensuous session with SL he slapped my ass. I liked it and asked him to do it again which he did. I also dicovered that I liked it when he dug his fingers into my ass. Then I found that the more I read about fellow bloggers such as LFM being spanked the more I wanted to know about it. I started reading more and found I was getting aroused by the idea. During my email exchanges with my Knight we fantasised about him spanking me. As the months went by I began to discuss this with a few of the men I chat to. At one point I had my knight wanting to tie me up and spank me, My Dark Master also wanted this but he wanted more. He wanted more of a 24/7 Dom/sub situation in which he would give me instructions to follow. He bought me a collar and lead that I was to wear at all times when we were alone together. there was also JJ who switches between Dom and Sub. he was quite happy to tie me up and spank me. we spoke about this again only this week when he descibed everything he would like to do with me. I also have another friend who I have discussed spanking with. In this case it is not as part of a sexual experienc but as Dom/sub ritual experience with implements. I trust him implicitly. He has made a very exciting discovery today which got me feeling very excited myself.

I am trully looking forward to our experiment but at the same time as being excited by the prospect especially as it draws nearer. I am absolutely terrified. But my terror seems to make me want to do this even more. Maybe it is the thought of over coming my fear of pain. we have discussed many times my wish to do this and he knows that for me it is something I need to do. But I have not revealed to him how scared I am of this. Why is it that the more I think about it the more scared I feel which makes me more determined that I want this. we have discussed implements, venues, positions. we have shared other people's experiences. there is no way that I want to back out of this. I know that if I do not do this with him I shall find someone else to share this experience with. I know that this man knows what he is doing and I trust him to take care of me. He will give me the experience I crave without putting me in danger. I only hope he gets enjoyment from this experience.

small world

Today I left the mainland to meet Sailor we had been chatting recently. He met me at the end of my journey and drove me to his home which has a great view. On our way to his place we chatted about how he came to be living where he is now. Years ago he had emigrated to Australia but has been in his current location for over a decade. He then told me that he had grown up in Kent just as I had, but in a different town. I told him the name of the town I grew up in. He knew it well and asked if I knew the coach house hotel. Know it yes I did as I had been receptionist there for 1 1/2 yrs before I had my eldest child. The spooky thing is that he had worked in exactly the same hotel a couple of years earlier as assistant manager.

I cant write much more tonight as my legs ache so much I can hardly think straight. Mind you he was in a lot more pain than me when we parted.