BRNG IT ON!!!

Ok so there have been a few, no! several posts of late about the subject of spanking. I fear I am becoming obsessed with the idea. As I said in the last post I am scared. I have never liked pain, I am a real baby when it comes to pain. So why am I inviting men to deliver pain to my ass. Why do I court punishment? Yesterday I sent a joke to several men, the reply from JJ was.

Not very funny! Anyone who sends jokes like that deserves to be spanked.

So what do I go and do? I send another joke!

While I was out last night (bored out of my skin) I began chatting by text with my Dark Master. He says that he had accepted my decision not to meet but he is happy to still chat. Then he tells me that he has a week off work so we can party. Although I had made the decision not to see him the idea of having some fun with him is a little thrilling but regretfully I tell him that I shall be working. He didn’t know that I am working again at the moment.

I have made up my mind that I will have my planned spanking with my friend. We are both up for this and he has begun making preparations. I have more or less accepted that I won’t be meeting JJ for a spanking although we often discuss what will happen when we do. I know we both want it. But there are two things which prevent this from becoming reality. Firstly as much as he wants this and he dreams of what he wants to do to me, he does have a girlfriend and his conscience gets in the way. The second is that he openly admitted to me when we met a couple of months ago that he is not good at making the first move. He needs to be pushed into action, but once pushed there is no stopping him. I do enjoy our chats about the possibilities open to us, whilst knowing that it won’t happen.

But if he ever does get the courage to make it happen it will be a bonus. He is quite local to me so we can decide at the last minute to do this. I could be at his place in 10 minutes. I get very aroused when chatting to him knowing how easy it would be to make this fantasy become reality; I also enjoy the sexual connotations that come with this fantasy of his. He has made it abundantly clear that through out my punishment he would be digitally checking for moisture that would give away my sin. For it would be a punishable sin for me to be aroused whilst being punished. I know that I would indeed be dripping as just the very thought has me wriggling in my seat wanting to bring this about. I want to be disciplined; I want to be found dripping with arousal so that I may experience yet more punishment of a varied and increasing severity.

Anyway, the more I think about what I am going to experience with my friend, (I really should give him a name to make this easier. Maybe Damien as he will have a devil of a job absolving me of my sins.) The more scared I get. The more scared I am the more I feel compelled to carry this through to its end. I have emailed another blogger for some advice, he has given me a website to look at. This I have done and have registered with a spanking site. I have read a few of the stories and later when I get some privacy I intend to spend some time looking at the picture gallery and videos as well as going into the chat rooms. I really am keen to find out from other people what they get out of spanking. I think from what I have read so far that the situation with me and Damien is unusual. Most spanking stories seem to be between people who are in a relationship or are using the spanking as part of a sexual act. Damien and I are friends and as I have said I trust him implicitly and shall accept his judgement as to which implements he will use on me and in which order. We have met so there will be no suprises there, we are both fond of each other so I know I don’t need to worry that he will go over the top. I know he will keep my best interests in mind. Now we have the intention, he has the implements all we need are a time and more especially a venue. If it were at all possible I would say lets do this now tonight but without a venue and forward planning (families) we have to wait. I have said that I will have the time to carry out our plans once the school term has finished and I don’t have to rush home from work. I can just head off to wherever and spend as much time as I need to, so that’s another 2 weeks away ;-( .

But that gives me another two weeks or more to read and see so much more, in my mental preparations. I think it amuses Damien when I talk as though I intend to enjoy this. He is very serious about it and tells me that it isn’t for my enjoyment. I know he is quite correct and how could I find enjoyment in pain which I would under normal circumstances do my level best to avoid. Pain and the Lady do not readily mix so why oh why am I so adamant that I desire this pain, I crave the humiliation that will go hand in hand with my pain. Perhaps this is my subconscious way of dealing with my sluttish behaviour of the last year. My atonement for what I feel to be the behaviour of one who does not merit the position I hold in this life, my battle to reconcile the slut in me with the good middle class mother I strive to be.

What ever the reason I crave this pain and humiliation………….

BRING IT ON!!!!