Saturday, January 19, 2008
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
what a difference a new year makes
Monday, December 31, 2007
Friday, December 21, 2007
Loss
Fiona decided to check the dating site she hadn’t been on for well over a year. She found her profile, checking it she felt that it needed an over haul. Ten minutes later with a newly revamped profile she did a search sending messages to about half a dozen men. Soon she was exchanging messages with 2 or 3 men. One of them, Nigel, declared a shared interest in writing. They swapped msn addresses. Several hours later they began to chat. Nigel was fed up with playing the field.
‘My friends are jealous of me because I am single, but I am jealous of them for having someone in their life.’
They talked about a variety of things including the writing that they both enjoyed so much. It soon became apparent that they both wrote adult fantasies. This led to the subject of sex. They chatted away swapping stories, both real and fantasies, both of them open minded. Fiona was amazed that she had found someone who was not only intelligent, interested in some of the same books and writing the same genre. But they seemed to be on the same wave length sexually. After a while Nigel suggested that they chat on the phone.
‘Give me five minutes to get upstairs and make myself comfortable’
Fiona told him. After all it was around
Place a finger inside you pumping in and out, now another, can you do three?
No, only two
Put your phone down there so that I can hear the sound of your fingers squelching about in your wetness.
Aa aaa mmm huuhh aaaaa aaa hhhuuu mmmm ooooo aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
That was great I could hear you moaning in the background. I am playing with myself too although I am usually a morning person. I can keep going for a long time. Only a few women have ever managed to make me come.
Eventually the pair said good night. As Fiona lay in her bed replaying the last few hours in her head she sent a good night text.
Amen to that Fiona. I can’t stop thinking about you!
The two of them had agreed to meet for a drink the next night. The next evening Fiona drove to the appointed pub to meet Nigel. They were only having a drink and a chat so there was no need to dress up. The days of going to meet a man dressed in low cut top with skirt, stockings and high heels were over. There would be plenty of time for that sort of thing another time if they hit it off as well in person as they had the night before. Fiona had a good feeling about this as she walked up to the bar where Nigel was waiting with her drink ready for her. She was conscious that he was nicely dressed in a smart shirt, making her feel under dressed in jeans and thick woollen sweater. But she had dressed this way purposefully so that if things were going well he would discover that under this thick sweater she had on only her black balcony bra with the red rose detail. She had meant to wear high heels to make herself look taller than her 5’0” but having been rushing around she had managed to get there in her flat shoes. A few hours of chatting and stroking each other’s hands, a couple of kisses and they were ready to leave.
Fiona was very impressed that Nigel was a true gentleman, helping her on with her coat, carrying her folder of stories she had brought with her and holding her hand as they walked. Once they were in her car Nigel kissed Fiona with a passion that Fiona could not resist. She drove to a quiet car park where the kissing became intense, his hands finding her breasts under her jumper. Releasing her pendulous bosom from the confines of black and red he takes them one at a time into his mouth sucking hungrily as her hands roam across his back and shoulders. Nigel lets his hands wander down between her legs, the jeans just have to go. Button and zip soon open her jeans are hurriedly pushed down her legs allowing his fingers to probe the wetness he could only imagine the night before as he stroked himself. It isn’t long before she is clinging to him moaning as his fingers push all the right buttons and she gushes juice all over the driver’s seat of her car. Too late she realises she should have placed one of the red cushions on the back seat, under her to protect the seat. She fumbles with the buttons of his fly but doesn’t find what she is looking for, not to worry as it is now time to get him back to the station to catch his train home.
Don’t forget to do your buttons up before you get on the train.
They kiss goodnight and a short time later are exchanging more text.
Oh God I’m so turned on by you. The thought of you is just great!
The next day whilst at work they continue to text each other at intervals through the day. He apologises for a late text suggesting that they have sex. She thinks he is very sexy, she enjoys the flirting and joking. He has a great sense of humour as well as everything else. As the next few days pass he is eager for them to spend a night together so that they can have some quality time together. She agonises about this. She wants to see him again and she wants so much to make love to him. They have even talked about maybe swinging together although she says they should take it one step at a time. She doesn’t want to get in too deep too fast. But even though she is hungry for him she doesn’t want to just jump into bed without making sure that this is not some flash in the pan affair. She has had enough of casual sex and now only wants sex within a relationship. Finally she agrees that she would like to spend a night with him.
On the Saturday morning they are chatting online, he checks that she would like to go to a hotel with him that night. He tells her that he has to stop chatting as his battery is running low but, he will text her later. But, when she has not heard from him by tea time, she sends him a text.
What are the arrangements for tonight?
Hi is that Fiona? It’s Nigel. I am really tired, I am going home for something to eat then crash out for the night. I hope you don’t mind. Can I phone you again later.
Fiona is disappointed after working herself up to having a night out and spending it with this lovely man. Hours later her disappointment still heavy on her heart she writes him an email explaining how she was feeling. By Sunday she is feeling quite low not just about not seeing Nigel but other things that were causing her stress too. Late on Monday afternoon Fiona is feeling so unhappy and in need of a hug she put her pride aside and sends Nigel a text asking if they can meet even if it is only for a short time. But he replies that he has things to do on his home. She is feeling so depressed by this time. She sits in her car with her phone in her hand and just cries. She needs someone to hold her in his arms and kiss away her tears. Instead she sends off a text.
Sorry for being a pain.
You’re not a pain at all! I’d be there it’s just that I’ve important stuff to sort out. Talk soon X.
This cheers her up a little and she makes her way indoors to her family.
Over the next few days her spirits lift as things at home start to improve. The two of them are still exchanging text although not as much as the week before. There are also a few pictures. Nothing too revealing just suggestive as is Fiona’s want. Nigel offers to send some pictures to Fiona but only if she wants them. He asks Fiona for a very intimate picture which she does send to him. After all what is the harm as they have been intimate with each other and they like each other. The photograph is emailed and the pair have a session of phone sex. Fiona is very turned on by this man who also says she turns him on. This time their phone sex includes the use of her electric toothbrush and a vibrator which lost its vibrations many months ago. He says he will find the picture she sent him later.
The following morning he tells her he has read her email which she had sent the previous weekend. He tells her that he is not ready for a relationship he is just taking things one orgasm at a time. Fiona confesses that she doesn’t really know what she wants. She knows that she doesn’t want to continue as before having casual sex, she is looking for a relationship of sorts but she hasn’t worked out what form that relationship would take. After work she writes him an email to explain what she does or doesn’t want. She doesn’t say it but by the end of it she has figured that what she wants is regular sex with a regular partner but not just sex. She doesn’t want this relationship to consist of sex alone. She doesn’t want to sit at home waiting for him to read her email so she accepts an invitation to go out for a drink.
Nigel text that he is out with William for the evening. She admits she is also out. Fiona has a good time out with Ken but he is not really her type. Apart from anything else he is a lorry driver (not that she is a snob) but she has been there before and it is not a life she wants again. By the morning she has not heard anything more from Nigel so when Ken begs to see her again she agrees and they spend the afternoon ten pin bowling then go for a walk on the beach but Ken is such a wimp that after 5 minutes he is too cold. After a hot drink in a nearby café they go for a drive ending up at the top of a hill overlooking the nearby city now lit up in the night sky. Ken kisses Fiona for the first time. The first kiss melts into many more as Fiona indulges her need to be kissed and held so closely. She decides that she will go back to Ken’s flat once she has been home and fed her child. Fiona and Ken sit on the edge of his new bed as they watch a dvd. Inevitably they begin to kiss and soon clothes are heaped on the floor as their arms and legs become entwined. Soon he is asleep, Fiona dresses and makes herself another cup of tea. She watches the dvd again while she waits for Ken to wake up and take her home. Eventually she also falls asleep. In the morning they have sex again before he falls asleep again. She dresses and makes more hot drinks. She uses his computer (with his permission) while she waits for him to rouse.
The next day Fiona sends a simple text to Nigel asking if he had a good weekend. She was not prepared for the slap in the face she got in reply.
Really good thanks! I’m afraid I had sex once or twice…
Fiona was quite shaken by this unexpected news. So much for him wanting to see her but being either too tired or too busy,
In theory she had done the same thing by having sex with Ken over the weekend but she hadn’t gone out with the intention of having sex . What was Nigel hoping to achieve by telling her this. Why was he boasting about having sex with anyone else. If he was trying to upset her he managed it but she wasn’t going to let him know that.
So did I.
Excellent!
No human
More excellent! One or more, male or female?
Male
Stop it , you’re making my trousers shrink.
No he didn’t say that.
Later chatting to Ken he asks to see Fiona eventually she agrees on the condition he lends her money for petrol as she needs it to get to work in the morning.
Will you see him again? Xxxx
I am with him now.
In bed now sleep tight xxx
Fiona can’t help wondering why he sent her that one knowing that she was with another man.
Ken has let Fiona use his computer while he lounges on his bed watching tv. Fully dressed Fiona sits beside the almost naked Ken idly stroking him as they watch tv (he tells her she has the most magical touch). Fiona is watching Ken closely as she muses about what the hell she is doing here with this man. She has earlier worked out that she had heard stories about this man nearly two years ago while she was dating Keith. The day after Fiona met Keith, Ken had begun to date Keith’s ex girlfriend Cathy. For a couple of months Keith and Cathy were keeping each other up to date with how their relationships were going. As time went by Fiona and Cathy got in touch and became friends then Cathy and Keith fell out and Fiona had acted as go between for them for a while. Ken falls asleep and Fiona makes her way home.
Next day Fiona asks Nigel if he thinks it is pervy to wear stockings for work. Ken thinks it is.
Yes! Report to my office immediately!
Would that be for punishment or reward? X
A reward for me as I spank you, punishment for you as you receive it.
Fiona was going away for the weekend with friends as had been arranged for some 3 months. Nigel wishes he could be there. Ladies and alcohol, who could resist?
The day after her return
Hi Fiona, hope life is treating you well, kisses from your favourite perv. Xxxx
Putting yourself up on a pedestal now are you…..I would have said kindred perv myself. X
How is the latest boyfriend? Alive?
B/f ? oh you mean the man I saw last weekend, he sounded alive when he rang me last night. It is satisfying to be in the driving seat for a change.
From what I remember your driving seat is rather damp….
More wet than damp but it dried out in a couple of days and has not been in any danger since.
Is that an offer for me to come over and spend the night? X
Did you send that last text to the wrong woman? X
No
That text seemed to be to someone you want to spend a night with which is clearly not me as you are too tired/busy to see me. X
Perhaps we could give it a go?
Now Fiona would love to give it a go but she isn’t about to jump into bed with a man who rather than making her feel that she is the one he wants to be with has made her feel like a last resort. She wants to see Nigel again she really likes him and enjoys their flirty exchanges. She has a hunch that he would be a good lover but she is not going to give herself too easily. She wants to make a point so she sends what she considers to be a light hearted text that gets her point across.
Perhaps you should try harder. I have given up being a doormat X
No reply so she tries to make her point a little clearer.
Just because I admitted that I like you doesn’t mean I don’t deserve respect. I am not your personal tart when you can’t get a shag elsewhere. X
She is hoping that he will get the idea and protest that he does respect her and that he really does want to see her. Instead she gets a response she really hadn’t expect from this man who she considers to be intelligent.
Didn’t mean to upset. I’ve deleted your number best of luck Fiona x
You did not upset me. You don’t have to delete my number I enjoy our banter. x
Fiona is proud of herself for standing up for herself but disappointed in Nigel. Does this mean that he really thinks he has upset her and she doesn’t want to see him any more so he thinks he should stop flirting or does it mean that he really doesn’t have any respect for her and has now been found out. Had he only been pretending to like her so that she would have sex with him. Now he knows that she won’t jump into bed he can’t be bothered with her anymore.
Fiona knows that she should just forget him. It is his loss that he has reacted in this way. He obviously doesn’t deserve a woman like Fiona, she is worth so much more than a man who can behave like this. But she keeps thinking about him.
Next day at work Fiona has a sudden idea that she wants to go out for dinner. She text Ken to see if he wants to have dinner with her but he’s busy. On her way home she receives a text from Tom apologising for not being in touch for ages. He invites her out for a drink. Tom is a local businessman Fiona met through her swinging days. They have a good friendship although he constantly makes it clear that he fancies the pants off her and would do anything to get her into bed with him again. She always makes it clear that she has made the decision to stay away from married men and nothing will make her change that decision. They have a nice drink and a chat. When they have to go their separate ways Tom says he will check his diary as he wants to take Fiona out for dinner next week, hopefully she will have something to celebrate by then as she will have had her job interview.
The following day Fiona was not feeling very well and went to bed early. Just as she was dozing off her phone rang. It was a private number and hung up as soon as she answered. She waited to see if it would ring again, but her other mobile rang instead with an unknown number. It rang twice but cut off before she could answer it. Very strange, it had to be someone who knows both numbers, very few people know the number of the second phone and those who do don’t all know the first number. What was even more strange was that out of the few people who do know both numbers there are two who phone her the others just text. Her friend Eric wouldn’t be phoning her at night unless it was an emergency. He only phones during the day whilst his wife is at work. That just left one person, Nigel. After a few moments of deliberation Fiona text him asking if he had tried to phone.
Who is this?
You would know who it is if you hadn’t deleted my number. Someone has been phoning me on an unknown number I wondered if it was you.
Fiona is not particularly surprised when there is no further reply.
On Friday Fiona has her job interview which has been brought forward a few days. She feels that it has gone really well and is confident that she will get the job although one more person is due to be interviewed first. When she leaves work she sends a text to some of her friends to tell them that the interview was good. As she scrolls through her contact list selecting who to send the text to she comes to Nigel’s name. Should she send him the text or not. She wavers as it is possibly not a good idea but surely he would be pleased for her on the job front. It would also serve as an olive branch, give him something he could comment on as a way to get back in contact if he was regretting being so hasty deleting her number.
Who is this?
Fiona makes it clear who it is and that she had thought he might be pleased for her.
Well done on the job, good luck. Now please delete this number. Nigel
Fiona feels like crying now all her good feelings evaporating into thin air. Obviously she had misjudged this man’s character. It is now quite clear that he had only ever had one thing on his mind as far as she was concerned. He did not it seems have any respect for her at all, she would be better off without him. She will now delete his number and all the text she has ever received from him. Just as the tears are brimming her phone rings. It is her friend Darren ringing to congratulate her and ask how she is as he has been out of the country for a while. David sends her jokes and Brian says well done. Fiona realises that she doesn’t need men like Nigel she has lots of lovely friends who think the world of her.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Granny's Tree
Granny lives alone now with just Jasper the old yellow dog with his shaggy hair and Tiggs her old grey striped cat. His name is really Tiger but everyone calls him Tiggs for short. He spends most of his day on the window seat catching the sun.
Come on Katie hurry up
Harry calls to his big sister as he runs out of the backdoor.
I’m coming wait for me I just need to finish getting my wellies on.
Granny has told the children to be careful as the paddock is still muddy after the rain last week. Granny will watch the children from the kitchen while she is busy cooking their dinner and baking fresh scones for a special treat to have later. This morning they all got in a mess when Harry wanted to help with the chocolate fairy cakes.
Harry put on your pinnie if you want to help Katie stir the mix.
Granny can I lick the bowl can I can I
He had pleaded. When Katie was carefully spooning the mix into the little paper cases on the tray.
Now Katie pushes the door open and races out to join her brother, Katie loves her little brother even though he is only seven and still acts like a baby sometimes. Next week Katie will be nine then she will be even more grown up than she is now.
Harry must be hiding as Katie can’t see him anywhere. She sits down on the bench in the middle of the field.
I don’t care where you are I am just going to sit here and wait for you
She shouts.
The sun is shining but it is still cold and the leaves are falling from the trees. Katie watches them for a while. Harry comes out of hiding to kick the leaves around where they have fallen in piles under the trees at the edge of the field. Then Katie notices that the big tree on its own, granny says it’s an oak tree has still got most of its leaves.
She wanders over to the big tree. There are a few leaves on the ground some brown others still a bit yellowy but there are other things too. Granny told the children when they were little that fairies live in this tree and they use the acorn cups to drink from. But that was just a story for little kids wasn’t it.
Katie
Katie
Katie looks up into the branches thinking Harry must have climbed up there while she wasn’t looking. But he isn’t there she can see him over at the fence now talking to the old brown horse in Mr Cartwright’s field. Nelson must be getting old now, he’s even older than Katie is.
Katie
Katie
There it is again, that whisper almost as if the tree was whispering her name, but trees can’t talk.
Who are you and what do you want
Katie is trying to be braver than she feels now, she thinks of calling Harry over here or maybe she should run to him.
Katie it is me, I won’t hurt you, I have been watching you. You are a kind girl, I see you feed the birds and stroking the animals.
But who are you and why won’t you let me see you
She peers up into the branches looking for a clue.
Katie you can see me, I have been her for more than a hundred years, you have climbed into my arms I mean my branches. My little friends the fairies want you to become one of our friends.
But you have to promise not to tell anyone our secret.
Katie tries not to jump up and down with excitement
I promise I promise
Can I tell my granny though cos she told me about the faries and I thought it was a story.
Katie your granny knows our secret but as she got older she forgot about us and now she just believes we are a fairy tale that she remembers. We don’t need her to remember that we are here.
If you promise to keep our secret we can have lots of fun and adventures.
Shhhush now Harry is coming over. I will tell you more when you are alone.
Katie can’t sit still for the rest of the afternoon, she keeps going to the big window and looking out at the tree. She notices that it looks different now. If she looks carefully it seems to have a face half way up the thick trunk. He is winking at her she thinks and the wind blowing in the branches makes it look as though the tree is waving to her.
Granny can I go back out after dinner to look at the stars?
Yes but only for a few minutes and you must wrap up warm as your mum will never forgive me if you catch a cold.
Katie can’t wait to get back outside to her tree now that she knows its secret. Funny how she is thinking of it as her tree now.
Harry are you going to see the stars with your sister after dinner?
No granny I want to stay in here and keep warm its too cold out there.
Katie helps granny with the dishes after they finish eating before she rushes to the backdoor where her outdoor things are waiting. She smiles at the rustle of the leaves as she runs to her tree.
Hello tree I’m back and I’m on my own. Harry won’t get in the way this time.
Hello Katie did you have a nice dinner?
Tree?
Yes Katie what is it?
What should I call you? Do I call you tree or something else?
You can call me Chant if you like. That’s what the fairies call me. Your granny used to call me Chant and I liked that I think it suits me don’t you?
Katie thinks about it trying the name to see what it feels like, whispering it to see what it sounds like. She doesn’t know anyone called Chant, it’s a strange name to Katie.
Chant,……..Chant hmmm I don’t know maybe, CHAnt no chant, chant, yes I think I can get used to that.
Katie
Katieeeee
Come in now please your mum is on the phone for you.
Coming granny……Chant I have to go in now but I will see you tomorrow.
Bye Katie oh and Katie
Yes Chant
Goodnight
Kateeeeee
Coming!!
Katie skips back to the house throwing her coat off as she runs to the phone to talk to mummy.
Monday, November 05, 2007
Desire
Desire
Since first I saw your name
It is with difficulty
That I keep it contained
This desire I have inside
Since first your name appeared
I have tried so hard
To push aside
These feelings deep inside
Since first we spoke
I have tried to crush
To bury deep those memories
The growing heat inside
It is just a year
Since last I heard
You whisper in my ear
Mmmmm raspberry
It is just a year
Since last I saw
Your lovely face
As you taste raspberry
For many months
I have put you aside
To see your name
Or hear your voice
Would have brought
Such joy
But nothing
was all I heard
But now
You are back
You promise me
Questions will be answered
I am not there now
In that place
Where you left me
The silence unbroken
I am moving forward
Or so I thought
Until that night
When I saw your name
I tell myself
I cannot go there
Not now
Not ever
But who am I kidding
Feelings that were dormant
Now awoken so suddenly
Building too great
This desire I had
This desire for you
This desire to be once again
Within your arms
This need to feel
Your flesh
Beneath my fingertips
Pressed against me
This desire to
Once again taste the coffee
Upon your lips as
Once again we kiss
new
