Sunday, February 22, 2009

What Tasha wants

Tasha is left wondering if she will ever find him. She checks out the websites again. There is the one she had accidentally stayed ‘online’ all night while she slept on oblivious. There are now well over 100 new admirers from the last few days alone. She instantly dismisses all those who are hundreds of miles away, along with those in their twenties and thirties. (How can she ever get her head around being hit on by guys younger than her after 30 yrs of preferring older men). She feels disgust with herself for the perceived racist attitude as she rejects all the non Caucasian men. She isn’t essentially racist she just doesn’t wish to date a non caucasion anymore than she would date a younger man or even a woman.

There is one new message ……… Hi how ya doin? …………….thats original! But at least it’s a very slight improvement on the series of messages in the last few days from the local guy who told her …………..nice tities ……….very eloquent! As if the modest picture on her profile even showed her breasts. Some people have no finesse.

There had been a couple of men last week who had seemed promising. On site A there was the executive whose hobbies included his Harley, not bad looking, only 20 miles away, slightly older than Tasha. Harley had been exchanging messages with Tasha all evening but a week had now passed and not another word. He was probably busy all week it would be interesting to see if he contacted her again.

Walker on the other hand lived further away, her age but never had kids. He is good looking in a cute kind of way. Both the distance (not impossible) and the no kids bothers her a little. Tasha had contacted Walker on site B, he had been among those who had checked out her profile. At first they messaged on the site then he gave her his email address, in reply she gave him her secondary email address. Something told her to be cautious about this cute man who was already saying she looks very kissable. A few brief emails between them and he adds Tasha to his msn messenger.

She accepts his invite but is chatting to a friend when Walker says ‘hello’. They chat for a while, but although he never says anything out of turn, Tasha feels that this man rather than looking for a long term relationship with an equal partner is looking more to satisfy his sexual desires for a voluptuous woman. Probably the only thing he is looking for in a woman is large breasts.

Tasha tires of the conversation saying she is sleepy she bids him goodnight.

Settling down for the night she thinks about the two men currently tearing her heart apart. It is a year virtually to the day when she found Kas. ‘Sleazy’ was what Hector had said when Tasha showed him the first message from Kas. But Tasha being Tasha the headstrong woman that she is refused to take any notice. Kas was different to any man she had ever known, not only is he charming, polite, intelligent and very successful but there was a certain element of innocence about him. Tasha was intrigued by Kas.

Over the months that followed Tasha soon learnt what a rollercoaster of emotions she was to go through with Kas but it was too late to jump off the ride now. She had already invested too much of herself. There was nothing she could do, she already knew she was in love with Kas even before they met. On that hot summer day as they drove along holding hands, stopping for a drink but their first kiss so passionate, the sparks that flew around them, their mutual hunger for each other so great that rather than stop for a beverage in this public place they booked into a hotel. Her inhibitions and shyness forgotten in the arms of her love. Her love was so great for this man that she didn’t even care if the sex they were to have was merely mediocre, because just being here with him was all that mattered. But he seduced her so thoroughly, he gave her the sexual experience of her life. How could life get any better than this. Lying in the arms of the man she loved, spent from the most amazing experience. He had taken her to heights she had only ever dreampt about.

Later from the loneliness of their separate homes expressions of desire and fulfilment were followed by the searing pain of separation as his businesses kept them apart. Often and for increasingly prolonged periods he was not only in a different country but so far away that his time zone meant he was even in a different day. Weeks turned to months. The gaps between his calls grew. Her friends worried about her telling her to forget him and move on.

Tasha was too deeply in love to even contemplate letting another man into her life. How could any man ever compete with the love she felt for Kas. She loved him, she trusted and respected him. How could she ever feel these things for any other man. More time passed and Tasha began to know within herself that although her trust in Kas was unfaltering, she knew that eventually this busy period in his life would change, she couldn’t keep up this kind of non living, this limbo her life was in.

Mentally she gave herself a date by which time Kas must prove to her that it wouldn’t always be like this. The date she had given herself but not revealed to anyone was approaching but had not yet been reached when it happened.

John entered her life. It was a very gradual thing. Starting with emails. At first Tasha was unsure about this but curious as ever she began to find out things about John. Although they didn’t know each other he belonged to a period in her life she thought was over. Over the weeks while she still pined for Kas she found herself smiling each time she discovered a new email from John. As the weeks passed so did the deadline date for Kas. She didn’t stop loving Kas how could she, but it wasn’t so painful now this separation.

Thoughts of Kas were still with her but increasingly thoughts of John were pushing Kas out. By this time the emails between Tasha and John had become less formal and there were now many text messages and even phone calls too. The passion for Kas was slipping. It was being replaced by a friendship with John. Tasha and John were now nurturing a special relationship built on common ground. Their mutual ability to make each other laugh, the ease with which they could chat using any medium. Tasha was becoming drawn to John, she found he was filling her thoughts more than Kas. The passion was still there for Kas but this softer gentler calmness that she was experiencing was not for Kas but John.

Now it is not Kas but John she dreams of at night, It is John she wants to have in her arms. It is the soft gentleness of John’s kisses that she craves. It is the sexy sensuous words of John in response to her own that fill her with desire and hope.

There had been a time when Tasha had worried about letting John into her life, Supposing she had let John into her heart but then Kas became available. What would she do, what could she do. She didn’t want to hurt either of them. But now she knows that as hard as it is she must push Kas out of her life. He will always be special to her, he had taught her so much about herself. He had shown her how special she is, he had shown her that the only person she can rely on to make herself happy is Tasha herself.

Tasha had unconsciously made the decision. She had made her choice, she would rather have the gentle sexy John in her life than the successful, passionate Kas who would never be fully hers, while he is still committed to his work. Now she must be patient and hope that John wants her in his life.

In the meantime Tasha is going to make use of her imagination. She will imagine the first time she becomes his. The feel of his hands as they caress her skin. What it will be like when he shows her how much he wants her. She will dream of the caress of his hot tongue as it brushes her inner thigh, her soft pubic hair as it tickles his nose as he buries his face in her wet pussy tasting her sweet nectar for the first time. She will imagine how it will be when first she shows him how good it will feel for them both when she gently takes his swollen shaft in her fingers drawing him towards her mouth. Her tongue flickering and swirling around and along his length, before she slips his head glistening with precum between her greedy lips, sucking him into her hot mouth as far as she can.

Her thoughts interrupted by an old admirer that Tasha has been avoiding. He asks Tasha how she is but she knows what he really means is when can he see her again.

you loved up then

I’m happy

nice one well done. still looking for a lady to play with do you know any yet lol

sorry

so can i rely on you to put the feelers out lol

where would I do that?

not sure what contacts you may have/friends/colleagues a busy lady like you lol

lol as far as I am aware all my friends/colleagues are very staid

never mind i'll just have to rely on my memories and imagination

lol

its not a lot to ask is it - tights dom/sub etc etc

lol for some people probably not but for he majority it would.......... i feel responsible for putting that idea into your head

dont worry its nice

I would imagine there are sites/forums online where you might find someone


Tasha steers the conversation away from what he wants, she’s heard it all before in the two years she has known him. But she does feel guilty for planting the Dom/sub idea into his head all that time ago when she had been toying with the idea of becoming a sub just for fun.

By the time she is again alone with her thoughts, it is too late, she has forgotten where she had got to in her imagined seduction of the lovely John. Roll on tonight when again she can imagine she is not alone in her bed. Is it too much to ask in this life not to wake up alone every single day?

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Very Interesting- excellent writing!

Indigo said...

Aha .. I have found you again, and I'm glad to have found you again, love your writing it rocks

Waynecoff said...

wow, thats was something xx